IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that in order to reduce crime, prisoners should be given longer prison sentences while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.

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The issue of how to reduce
crime
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 has been widely debated, with two prominent viewpoints emerging: one argues for longer
prison
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sentences
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 for
criminals
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,
while
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 the other believes that there are alternative approaches to tackling
crime
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.
Both
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 perspectives have their merits, and it is essential to consider the potential benefits and drawbacks of each
approach
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 before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, those who advocate for longer
prison
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sentences
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 argue that harsher punishments serve as a deterrent to potential
criminals
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. The theory behind
this
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 viewpoint is that the fear of spending more time in
prison
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 will discourage individuals from committing crimes.
Moreover
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, supporters claim that longer
sentences
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 ensure that
offenders
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 are removed from
society
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 for a more extended period, reducing the risk of reoffending. In their view, a tough-on-
crime
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 stance is essential to maintaining public safety and ensuring that justice is served for victims.
On the other hand
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, those who oppose the idea of longer
prison
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sentences
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 believe that
this
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approach
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 is not the most effective way to reduce
crime
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 in the long term. They argue that prisons often fail to rehabilitate
offenders
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 and that extended incarceration may even worsen their
behavior
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behaviour
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. Long-term imprisonment can contribute to overcrowding in prisons, which can strain resources and lead to inhumane conditions.
Instead
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, proponents of alternative measures suggest
rehabilitation
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 programs,
such
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 as education, vocational training, and therapy, which can help
offenders
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 reintegrate into
society
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 as law-abiding citizens. These alternatives not only address the root causes of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 but
also
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 offer the potential
for reducing
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to reduce
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 recidivism rates. In my opinion,
while
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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 might provide a temporary solution to
crime
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 by incapacitating
criminals
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, they do not tackle the underlying causes of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. A more balanced
approach
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 that includes
both
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 punitive and rehabilitative measures is more likely to be effective in the long run. By focusing on
rehabilitation
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, we can help
offenders
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 break the cycle of
crime
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,
while
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also
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 ensuring that those who pose a significant threat to
society
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 are adequately punished. Ultimately, a combination of punishment and
rehabilitation
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 is necessary to create a more just and safer
society
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. In conclusion,
both
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 longer
prison
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sentences
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 and alternative methods to reduce
crime
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 have their advantages.
While
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 harsh
sentences
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 may deter some
criminals
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, addressing the root causes of
crime
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 through
rehabilitation
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 programs offers a more sustainable and humane solution. A balanced
approach
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 that combines
both
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 aspects is essential to effectively reduce
crime
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 and promote social reintegration.

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task achievement
Ensure each main point is backed up with specific examples to enhance the argument and clarify your position further.
coherence and cohesion
While the overall structure is clear, linking words could be more varied to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Clear presentation of both viewpoints with a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with relevant main ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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