IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

At the present time, the poplation of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
today
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today's
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 era, there is
significant
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a significant
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 rise in
population
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. In some countries,the
population
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 of young individuals corresponding to older people is high in numbers.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
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generation
Use synonyms
 helps to contribute
in
Change preposition
to
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 the economy,
whereas
Linking Words
 older people preserve culture and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will discuss both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of
large
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a large
the large
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 number of younger in the
population
Use synonyms
comparison
Change preposition
in comparison
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 to
old
Fix the agreement mistake
the older
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generation
Use synonyms
. 
Firstly
Linking Words
,
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
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 are more confident and enthusiastic with their work. They come with creative innovations ,new techniques,
desires
Correct word choice
and desires
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 to change
society
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 and make
society
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 more progressive.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a larger young
population
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 can drive economic growth with an
increase
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increased
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labor
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labour
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 force that can support industries. 
Additionally
Linking Words
, fewer old
generation
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 can put
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 pressure on
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 and pension system, which indirectly
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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economy
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the economy
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
rising
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the rising
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 young
generation
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 has some drawbacks. If the economy can't able to absorb the vast number of young people it will encourage unemployment in
society
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, traditional family norms and culture will fade with
old
Fix the agreement mistake
the older
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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young
Correct quantifier usage
number of young
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 individuals bring economic growth, new changes in
society
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 and less dependency ratio on the government.
Alongside
Correct pronoun usage
Alongside this
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, it will lead to unemployment and
vanish
Verb problem
apply
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traditional family structures. So,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of young populations outweigh the drawbacks.

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Task Achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating your position regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. A more definitive stance would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to back up your points. For instance, mention specific industries that benefit from a younger workforce or provide statistics on unemployment rates.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the overall flow of your essay by using more linking words and phrases, such as 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast,' to connect ideas smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Phrases like 'the young generation' could simply be 'young people' for better clarity.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of a young population, which shows a balanced perspective.
Task Achievement
Your ideas about young people contributing to the economy are relevant and support your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic shift
  • Labor force
  • Economic growth
  • Healthcare system
  • Pension system
  • Technological adaptability
  • Dependency ratio
  • Social dynamism
  • Educational demand
  • Youth unemployment
  • Innovation
  • Economic instability
  • Traditional family structures
  • Sustainability
  • Progressive society
What to do next:
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