In the modern world, more and more people are choosing to eat less meat. While some people believe that all humans should follow a vegetarian diet, I completely disagree with this statement.

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One primary concern about reducing animal products in our
diet
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is the risk of
vitamin
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B12 deficiency.
This
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vitamin
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is mainly found in
meat
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and dairy products,
while
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plant-based foods like fruits, vegetables, and legumes do not provide sufficient amounts of B12.
Vitamin
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B12 is essential for keeping our bodies and skin healthy. If someone does not get enough
vitamin
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B12, they might feel very tired or weak because B12 helps our body make red blood cells. These cells cannot function properly without a sufficient supply, which can lead to
anemia
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anaemia
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. A lack of B12 can
also
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affect mental
health
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, potentially leading to memory issues, mood changes, or difficulties concentrating. Another point is that
meat
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and seafood are excellent protein sources that are essential for our
health
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. These products consist mainly of
this
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vital nutrient, so removing them from our daily
diet
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can cause an issue with building and maintaining muscles.
For example
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, many athletes follow diets that include beef, chicken, or seafood because it helps them stay strong and perform well in their workouts. So, an omnivorous
diet
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, consisting of plant and animal foods, can provide better support for physical
health
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compared to a vegetarian
diet
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, which may not offer the same level of nutrients for muscle and
overall
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wellness. In conclusion,
although
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many people are interested in reducing their
meat
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intake, a balanced
diet
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that includes
meat
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offers vital nutrients like protein and B12, which are essential for our
overall
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health
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and well-being.

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments against a vegetarian diet by highlighting important nutrients found in animal products. However, consider providing counterarguments to make your position even more persuasive and to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow of your ideas. For example, using linking phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'In addition,' can help connect your points more smoothly.
task achievement
Explain the significance of the examples you provide. For instance, when you mention athletes and their diets, you might elaborate on why protein is particularly important for them beyond just muscle maintenance.
content
You have effectively identified key vitamins and nutrients that are lacking in a vegetarian diet, which is an essential aspect of the argument.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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