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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is inevitable that tradition cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. Agree or disagree? [ I partly agree with this assertion, while it may be true in the case of some societies, others seem to be unaffected by technology and the modern world.

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In contemporary times, the issue of technological growth has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the public.
While
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 some individuals maintain that the role of
technology
Use synonyms
 diminishes inherent traditions, I contend that there are a few traditional values that still persist. I partly agree with
this
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 assessment;
while
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 it may be true in the case of some societies, others seem unaffected by
technology
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 and the modern world. On top of that, it is imperative to recognize that individuals should appreciate the substantial benefits of technological development. A pivotal point to consider is that the advances in
technology
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 that have driven industrialization in developed countries have contributed to the disappearance of traditional ways of life.
Moreover
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, an additional crucial aspect to highlight is that advancements in transport, communications, and manufacturing have led to the dispersal of families and village connections as people moved to the cities in search of work.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to examine the opposing viewpoint that some traditional values still exist. A noteworthy factor to clarify is that countries in certain parts of the world have traditional cultures that continue to thrive, which emphasizes that there are tribes in the Amazon Rainforest,
for example
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, that have been completely untouched by the technological developments of the well-developed world.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to underscore that other traditional cultures,
such
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 as farming communities in parts of Africa, are using communication technologies to play a significant role in
this
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 discussion. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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while
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technology
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 can contribute to the decline of traditional cultures in some cases, it
also
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 offers opportunities to protect and promote them.
Instead
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 of viewing
technology
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 and tradition as incompatible, societies should find ways to integrate modern innovations
while
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 preserving their cultural heritage.

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task achievement
Although your argument is clear, adding more specific examples throughout your essay would enhance your points and make them more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring that your paragraphs flow smoothly into each other; the transitions between some points could be stronger to enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to expand on the benefits of technology for traditional cultures in more depth to balance your discussion.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance and sets the stage for your discussion. Well done!
task achievement
You've demonstrated a good understanding of the complexity of the relationship between technology and tradition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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