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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries even though the rate of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the cause of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#countries #rate #crimes #people #measures
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Many
people
 sense less safety is a common problem in many countries around the world. In
this
 essay, I would like to explore some of the reasons for
this
 modern phenomenon and offer some possible solutions to deal with it.
Firstly
, I believe one of the main reasons why some feel less secure than in the past is because of reporting crime stories on social media.
For instance
,
although
people
 in the past committed harmful actions more than these days, they were not published on the platforms, which means not many individuals feel uncomfortable or fearful like now. There is no easy answer to
this
, but perhaps the government could limit what is published for public consumption.
This
 would definitely help reduce the problem of public fear. Another contributing factor reducing the sense of security is hearing personal experiences about crimes from friends or family. One result of
this
 is that it makes
people
 fear stranger individuals and influences their effectiveness in society. Perhaps the media could run awareness campaigns to highlight the need for action,
such
 as creating TV shows to let
people
 know that the rate of crimes is decreasing, which would definitely help to tackle the problem of anxiety over offences.
Although
 public fear is certainly very common, perhaps the above-mentioned ideas could help solve or at least alleviate the issues.
Submitted by imaharzm on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, you could provide more concrete examples and elaborate on your suggested solutions. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking phrases and transitional words to ensure smooth flow and connection between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the problem and your intention to explore the causes and solutions, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
logical structure
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure, breaking down the causes and solutions into separate paragraphs.
supported main points
You provide relevant points and examples, which strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • public fear
  • sensationalized
  • media literacy
  • perception
  • social tensions
  • economic inequality
  • instability
  • prevention
  • community policing
  • public awareness
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • urban density
  • political rhetoric
What to do next:
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