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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number ofpeople with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, a growing number of people have been turning to
alternative
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 medicines and
treatments
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instead
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 of seeking medical advice from a doctor.
While
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 some believe
this
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 trend is beneficial, I strongly argue that it is a negative development
due to
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 the risks associated with unverified
treatments
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 and the potential for delayed medical care.
To begin
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 with,
alternative
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 medicines often lack scientific validation. Unlike conventional
treatments
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, which undergo rigorous clinical trials, many herbal remedies and holistic
treatments
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 are based on anecdotal evidence.
This
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 can lead to ineffective or even harmful results.
For instance
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, some individuals use herbal supplements to treat chronic conditions
such
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 as diabetes or hypertension.
However
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, without proper medical supervision, these remedies may not control the disease effectively, leading to severe complications.
Moreover
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, self-medicating with
alternative
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treatments
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 can result in misdiagnosis and delayed intervention. Many serious illnesses,
such
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 as cancer or heart disease, require early detection for successful treatment. If a patient relies on unproven methods
instead
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 of seeking professional help, they may unknowingly allow their condition to worsen. A notable example is the rise in cancer patients opting for herbal therapies over chemotherapy, often leading to fatal consequences
due to
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 the lack of timely medical treatment. That said, it is important to acknowledge that some
alternative
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treatments
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,
such
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 as acupuncture or meditation, can complement modern medicine when used correctly.
However
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, they should not replace professional medical care but rather be integrated with it under a doctor's supervision. In conclusion,
while
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alternative
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 medicine may offer certain benefits, its misuse can be dangerous. Relying solely on
such
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treatments
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 without consulting a doctor can lead to severe health risks and missed opportunities for effective medical intervention.
Therefore
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, professional healthcare should always be prioritized to ensure patient safety and well-being.

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task achievement
Consider providing more in-depth analysis on the specific risks associated with alternative medicine to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, you can use transitional phrases to better connect the various perspectives and emphasize the contrast between alternative and conventional medicine.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and effectively outlines the arguments against alternative medicine. This makes your stance easy to understand and brings clarity to your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and summarize your main arguments, demonstrating strong coherence throughout the essay.
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