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Writing Samples
Band 7

The data provided in the table chart illustrates the amount of money allocated for the police by 3 types of sources, while the pie charts compare the information about the variety of money used in 2 years (2017-2018).

The data provided in the table chart illustrates the amount of money allocated for the police by 3 types of sources, while the pie charts compare the information about the variety of money used in 2 years (2017-2018).
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The data shows sources of police budget,
whereas
Linking Words
 the charts illustrate the percentage of each spending category. Both data provide 2 years period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the National government were the main source, and the money was used for salaries. The total police budget increased proportionally, from almost 305
million
Use synonyms
 to 318
million
Use synonyms
 exactly. The main factor of
this
Linking Words
 increase was Local Taxes. In 2017, local taxes took over 90
million
Use synonyms
 and increased significantly to more than 100
million
Use synonyms
 in the next year.
Whereas
Linking Words
 other sources escalated only a little bit. The National Government took the roles of 175,5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2017 and 177,8
million
Use synonyms
 in 2018. Other sources only increased by 0,5
million
Use synonyms
 in the next year. Most of the budget was used to pay the officers and staff salaries.
However
Linking Words
, the money for salaries decreased moderately by around 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Transportation fee was still the same in 2 years period. Police Technologies increased significantly, from only 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2017 to almost 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2018.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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