IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend about 40minutes on this task.Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.To what extent do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250words

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Developed states seldom transfer money to developing states. Apparently,
such
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 decisions are not tackling poor conditions in some regions.
Thus
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, developed states ought to give some alternatives
besides
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 financial support in order to support poor
nations
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
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 statement as financial help is working when the human resource of a nation is adequate.
Consequently
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, the richer
nations
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 should assist in human development.
To begin
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 with, Third-world
countries
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' condition requires more resources rather than funds. Their livelihood
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 suffering from
a low-income conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
low-income conditions
a low-income condition
show examples
 for a very long time.
Furthermore
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, several historical events have shown that money is not always a solution.
For instance
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, in some poor
countries
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 that have received foreign aid, the authorities are corrupting the public funds for their own benefit.
Hence
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, it is not possible for some
countries
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 to receive additional funds
further
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.
As a result
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, the wealthier
nations
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 should help the lower-income
nations
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 in other dimensions, specifically in human resource development.
Moreover
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, the improved quality of citizens is affecting the whole of society. So, the foreign bits of help are better to be allocated in
such
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 areas.
In addition
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, it is ironic when a state is wealthy
while
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 there is a lack of quality people because it is a recipe for disaster.
For example
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, a new company that operates in developing
countries
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 are unable to hire the right people for their operation.
Therefore
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, it is critical for the higher economy party to understand the roof of the poverty, which is low educated community.
To sum up
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, economic help only works when the population of a nation is highly educated.
Additionally
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, there is a fundamental problem that needs to be solved first if a nation wants to give assistance to another party, which is education.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is great. However, try to expand on your main points to provide a clearer context for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your paragraphs are logically structured, consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., connectors and transition words) to improve the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
You provided some examples, but they could be more specific and detailed. For instance, elaborating on the examples of corrupt governments or the consequences of hiring unqualified people would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic, which is essential in argumentative essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of vocabulary is generally good, and you demonstrate a solid understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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