IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Time
Use synonyms
 spent by
students
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 will have an impact on their needs in the future. In fact, I agree that
students
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 should spend their
time
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 on other
activities
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besides
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 their studies.
Firstly
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,
students
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 who mostly use their
time
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 for studies don'
t
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 develop their social
skills
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. They wouldn'
t
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 know how to interact with other people. To illustrate, more
activities
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 use their
skills
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 to talk with people,
whereas
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 studying subjects alone can'
t
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 be done with
skills
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. Without any
activities
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 outside the classroom, the possibility of awkward socialising will be high enough. The impact is misunderstanding for each conversation.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 will train other
skills
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 by actively participating in
activities
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 outside the subjects. Other
activities
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 can be stated as
activities
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 they don'
t
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 learn in class. We can give an example of Ricardo Kaka as a great footballer. He didn'
t
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 know that he had
skills
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 in soccer. From an extra sport about soccer outside school, he realized that becoming a footballer was better for him.
Thirdly
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, we should focus on another thing that will benefit their life. They will know themselves better by activating their adaptability to any situation.
In addition
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, we should prepare the free
time
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 to do other
activities
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.
Firstly
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, It potentially leads to fatigue if we manage poorly. To clarify, we can see many death cases happen from tiring
activities
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 outside the school. We should know the planned
activities
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'
time
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 limits and purposes for a better approach.
Moreover
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, as a student, we should focus on the subject they take. Too many
activities
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 outside the class will break their purpose of being a student. In conclusion,
although
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 it is necessary to focus on school, I believe that
students
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 should take enough
time
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 out for other
activities
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 to know the impact on their health, future life, and study. But, we should ensure the
time
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 is right, so don’
t
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 take extra
activities
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 too much.

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task achievement
Clarify your main ideas and support them better with examples. Some points need more explanation to show a strong connection to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and use linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking down some complex sentences into simpler ones to improve clarity.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the topic and present a balanced view of the necessity for students to engage in activities outside of studies.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the reference to Ricardo Kaka, adds interest and relevance to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • reduce stress
  • burnout
  • life skills
  • leadership
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • communication skills
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • networking opportunities
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • enhanced learning experience
  • practical involvement
  • academic learning
  • real-world experience
  • holistic development
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • cognitive growth
  • well-rounded individuals
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