IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that social nteworking sites have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society?

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Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 think that social media
platforms
Use synonyms
 have a huge enormous drawback
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. I, totally agree with the above statement. Social Media
platforms
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
,
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and tiktok
show examples
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 have consumed more screen time of an individual leading to
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
 life. Uses of
such
Linking Words
 social
platforms
Use synonyms
compell
Correct your spelling
compel
compelled
 to
compaare
Correct your spelling
compare
 with one another resulting in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
depression and anxiety with the constant negative
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, children are addicted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 playing games on
ipad
Fix the agreement mistake
iPads
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 rather than involving in some outdoor
activitis
Correct your spelling
activities
 which will hamper
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their physical and mental health.
Society
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 goes through downside from the
usuage
Correct your spelling
usage
 of social
platforms
Use synonyms
 since,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
 vulgarity, violence,
prejudices
Correct word choice
and prejudices
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 without any explicit information or consent.
Such
Linking Words
 videos
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 social media could create
choas
Correct your spelling
chaos
 among the people and can lead to bad
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 with each other. The influence of
such
Linking Words
 news will be directly related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children and teenagers which can act as a catalyst to consume
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of videos. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, if a
children
Change the noun form
child
show examples
 grows up in
such
Linking Words
community
Correct article usage
a community
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,
then
Linking Words
 he or she will end up becoming a bad samtarian in the
society
Use synonyms
 which will have zero contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and, if
this
Linking Words
 number grows rapidly the
society
Use synonyms
 and the nation
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not be able to function properly and lead to the inflation and world war.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I agree that social
platforms
Use synonyms
 have had a negative
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on our daily lives whether it be through spending more time on the screens or posting negative posts and comments about each other in the societies.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively presents your agreement with the statement, but consider making it more engaging by adding a brief overview of your main points. This will help set the direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect your ideas more effectively and enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases. For example, instead of 'huge enormous drawback,' you could simply say 'significant drawbacks.' Review your essay for grammar, punctuation, and word choice to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your ideas with more specific examples and clarify your arguments. The essay contains some strong points, but more detailed explanations would strengthen your claims.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion and stated it strongly at the beginning of the essay, which provides a solid foundation for your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay touches on relevant social issues caused by social media use, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic and its implications for individuals and society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
What to do next:
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