Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With the increasing number of cars and motors, the chance of
car
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accidents is
also
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rising. Some
people
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think that it is because some
people
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are too young to drive a vehicle, these
people
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may not have enough driving
experience
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so they will make our roads unsafe. In my opinion, age is not the main factor for who causes the
car
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accident, it is always someone who does not follow the road law that causes the problem. It is true that older
drivers
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have more
experience
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than younger ones, young
drivers
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will pay more attention when they are driving and will not break any laws because they know it is dangerous.
However
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, the senior
drivers
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will always follow their
experience
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in driving the
car
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.
For example
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, on highways,
although
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there is a speed limit of 100km/hr, most
drivers
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will exceed the limit a little because they know it is usually safe. As we know, speeding will reduce the reaction time for
drivers
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if there is an accident . Compared to young
drivers
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, when the
car
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in front of you has some problem, the old
drivers
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who are speeding will have more chance of causing an accident.
In addition
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, everyone has their first time driving, I do not think that young
people
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will do worse than old ones under the same
experience
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. In conclusion, to improve the safety of our roads, rules and laws should be properly introduced to everyone. They should understand the importance of the rules. No matter how old
people
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are, if everyone can follow the rules on the roads, there will be no accidents and
people
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can go back home safely.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic well but could be stronger by clearly stating your position on the issue. A more definitive stance would help set up your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs generally flow well, but there are some abrupt transitions that could be improved. Consider using linking words to better connect your ideas and enhance coherence.
task achievement
You provide some examples, but using more specific data or studies could strengthen your argument. Consider citing statistics or research on road safety and age to support your claims.
task achievement
You effectively argue that experience is a significant factor in road safety, which is a relevant perspective on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and reiterates the importance of following rules for road safety.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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