IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition is good at work or school and others believe that cooperation is required rather than competetion. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is indispensable that
competition
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 and
cooperation
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both
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 play key roles among individuals, in today’s era.
While
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 some argue that
competition
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 is a better choice in workspaces
as well as
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 learning institutions,
others
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 think that
cooperation
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 is a must
instead
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 of fostering
cooperation
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. I partially agree with
both
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 views as
both
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 are equally significant. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
both
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 sides
along with
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 my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand,
competition
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 promotes a sense of motivation among people.
In other words
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,
while
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 looking at someone doing great, an urge to do the same, either to compete or go ahead, develops among individuals.
Thus
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, there comes a beginning of doing hard
work
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.
Moreover
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, the chances of getting a promotion in a
work
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 field rise by being competitive, if someone is giving peak performance as compared to
others
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, higher authorities will definitely be impressed.
For instance
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, managers at
work
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 always look for someone having more potential than
others
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 to perform tasks.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
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 gives strength to people by being supported by other team members. Fortunately, various minds would offer different ideas in a collaboration that leads to an opportunity for better productivity. Apart from that, chaotic environments can be avoided if everyone is cooperative,
due to
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 the reason that chances of factors
such
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 as jealousy would get reduced. To cite an example, in any
work
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 area, respect will be developed among co-workers for an individual
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 cooperative. In conclusion, a balanced approach is a must to be successful in any area.
However
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, I assert that
cooperation
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 is a must before being competitive, which is possible to attain by helping
others
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 in the required areas
along with
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 putting efforts in going ahead.
Therefore
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,
cooperation
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 is required to gain respect and strength alongside
competition
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 to get motivated and achieve promotion.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify the distinction between competition and cooperation in your thesis statement for better clarity.
task achievement
Consider providing stronger supporting examples for your main arguments to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay and make connections between ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing your views.
task achievement
You present a balanced perspective by discussing both competition and cooperation, which addresses the prompt well.
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