Some people think that competition is good at work and school while others believe that cooperation is important rather than competetion. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is indispensable that
competition
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and
cooperation
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both
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play key roles among individuals, in today’s era. Some argue that
competition
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is a better choice in workspaces
as well as
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learning institutions
whereas
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few think that
cooperation
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is a must
instead
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of fostering
cooperation
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. I partially agree with
both
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views as
both
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are equally significant and go
hand-in hand
Add a hyphen
hand-in-hand
show examples
. In
this
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essay, I will discuss
both
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sides
along with
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my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand,
competition
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promotes a sense of motivation among people.
In other words
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,
while
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looking at someone doing great, an urge to do the same, either to compete or go ahead, develops among individuals;
thus
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, there comes a beginning to do hard work.
Moreover
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, the chances of getting a promotion in a work field rise by being competitive, if someone is giving peak performance as compared to others, higher authorities will definitely be impressed.
For instance
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, managers at organizations
such
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as banks always look for someone having more potential to succeed than other individuals.
On the contrary
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,
cooperation
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gives strength to people by being supported by other team members. To explicate, various minds would offer different ideas in a collaboration that leads to an opportunity for better productivity.
Additionally
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, chaotic environments can be avoided if everyone is cooperative,
due to
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the reason that chances of factors
such
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as jealousy would get reduced. To exemplify, in any work area, respect will be developed among co-workers for an individual to be cooperative. In conclusion, a balanced approach is a must to be successful in any area.
However
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, I assert that collaboration is a must before being competitive, which is possible to attain by helping others in the required areas
along with
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putting efforts in going ahead.
Therefore
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,
cooperation
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is required to gain respect and strength alongside
competition
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to get motivated and achieve promotion.

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task achievement
Your introduction does a good job of outlining the topic and presenting your viewpoint. However, clarifying your thesis statement can enhance its impact. Try to directly state your perspective on the balance between competition and cooperation more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are clearly organized, and each point is developed logically. To improve, consider using more linking phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas, which can enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
While you provide some examples to support your points, try to incorporate a wider variety of examples or personal anecdotes to further strengthen your arguments. This can make your ideas clearer and more engaging.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views on competition and cooperation, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion, which is a strong way to close your essay.
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