IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

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In recent years, increasing weight has become a pressing concern as it significantly affects the level of fitness and requires immediate attention.
This
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 essay will explore the main reasons behind the rising level of obesity and decrease in physical activities and propose effective solutions to address the issue. There are several key reasons why the rise in human weight has emerged as a significant problem. One of the primary causes is a more sedentary lifestyle. People are making the usage of technological appliances their first preference and getting less involved in doing physical activities, which is giving birth to health-related issues
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 as obesity.
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, it is found that more than one-third of people in the world are suffering from obesity
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 their less involvement in manual work.
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, another major cause is the rise in usage of the internet,
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 which people are utilising a lot of their time on social media and playing games.
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 factor leads to gaining more weight. To tackle
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 issue, several effective solutions can be implemented. One potential solution is limiting screen time.
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 approach would allow individuals to lessen the use of social media and allow them to get involved in physical activities. Another possible solution is that the higher authorities should impose taxes on processed and imported foods.
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 approach would be particularly effective as it will make the food more expensive. In conclusion, the overweight stems from a sedentary lifestyle and using mobile phones has led to the birth of several diseases.
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, by implementing solutions
such
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 as reducing screen time and
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imposing heavy taxes on processed food, it is possible to mitigate
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
While your essay presents valid reasons and solutions, enhancing the specificity and depth of your examples can strengthen your response. For instance, including statistics or studies regarding the consequences of obesity would provide more impact.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are clear and that ideas flow logically. Using connecting phrases can help improve the clarity of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, try to reiterate the key points made in the body paragraphs more clearly to reinforce your argument and provide a stronger closing.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the topic, which is crucial for engaging the reader. Your defined thesis statement is also clear and precise, outlining the focus of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is organized into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on specific points, which aids in understanding. This structure is generally effective for academic writing.
task achievement
You have a good variety of vocabulary and sentence structures, which enhances readability and demonstrates linguistic proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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