IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Write an e-mail to the bookshop. In your e-mail: • suggest a speaker • say what they would contribute to the event • explain why other people would be interested too You do NOT need to write any addresses.

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Dear John, I hope you're doing well. I am writing to suggest a speaker for your upcoming
event
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 that I believe could greatly benefit both your bookshop and the community. I recommend inviting Joseph Murphy, the renowned author of The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. His work has had a significant impact worldwide, and he is a well-respected motivational speaker. His insights on harnessing the power of the subconscious mind to live a peaceful and fulfilling life would be highly valuable to attendees.
While
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 our community is generally healthy, there has been a noticeable rise in anxiety and depression, particularly among the younger generation. Joseph Murphy’s teachings could offer valuable guidance, helping individuals better understand their inner instincts and providing practical advice on overcoming mental challenges. His session could inspire people to explore new perspectives on life and personal growth.
Additionally
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, I believe his presence at your
event
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 would attract a large crowd, potentially increasing foot traffic to your bookshop and providing financial benefits. As The Power of Your Subconscious Mind is a widely recognized and beloved book in many households, I’m confident that Joseph would be an excellent fit for your
event
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. Please let me know if you need any assistance in reaching out to him or organizing the
event
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. I would be happy to help in any way I can. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Best regards, Garima

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states the purpose of the email and the suggestion of the speaker, which is excellent. However, you could make it even stronger by providing a brief overview of the event before recommending the speaker. This would give context to your suggestion.
coherence and cohesion
The points are logically arranged, and your argument flows well. To enhance cohesion, consider using more varied linking phrases to connect your ideas more explicitly. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help to clarify the progression of your argument.
task achievement
Your explanation of why the speaker is relevant is thoughtful and convincing. Including a direct quote or specific example from Joseph Murphy's work could substantiate your argument further. This would enhance the depth of your ideas and make them more compelling.
task achievement
You presented a clear recommendation along with detailed reasoning for your choice, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The email maintains a friendly and respectful tone, which is appropriate for the context, making it engaging and inviting for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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