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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart illustrates the number of visitors of 4 countries

The chart illustrates the number of visitors of 4 countries
The bar chart provides key information about the ratio of daily
hours
Use synonyms
 of the visitors related to
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 activities
in
Change preposition
on
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 holiday, based on the 4 countries. The units are measured in numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 graph that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Add an article
the tourists
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading books
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in China.
In addition
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
 the second highest proportion for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 visit the
beach
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
a slightly visiting places
Correct the article-noun agreement
slightly visiting places
a slightly visiting place
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, Chinese tourists have
highest
Change the article
the highest
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 ratio at 8
hours
Use synonyms
 daily
in
Change preposition
apply
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reading books,
while
Linking Words
 around 1 hour daily for visiting places and 3
hours
Use synonyms
 to be at
Use synonyms
beach
Add an article
the beach
show examples
, but in
Add a comma
American,
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American
Correct your spelling
America
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 there is convergence in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
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 of daily
hours
Use synonyms
 between all the activities as we see in
figure
Add an article
the figure
show examples
. In terms of Turkish the daily
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holiday
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
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to
Change preposition
into
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 5
hours
Use synonyms
 at
Use synonyms
beach
Add an article
the beach
show examples
, 4
hours
Use synonyms
 for reading books and 3
hours
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visiting places. in Brazil the highest ratio of tourists
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 time at
Use synonyms
beach
Add an article
the beach
show examples
 and around 4
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, beach with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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