Academic Writing Part 2 The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some argue that people’s well-being will decline in the future.
However
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, I strongly disagree, as advancements in technology and
healthcare
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will continue to improve life expectancy and
overall
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health
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. In the past, even minor illnesses could be fatal
due to
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limited medical knowledge and resources. Diseases like influenza and pneumonia caused widespread deaths in the early 1900s because effective treatments were unavailable. Today,
however
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, modern medicine, vaccinations, and advanced diagnostic tools have significantly reduced mortality rates.
For example
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, influenza, once life-threatening, is now largely preventable through annual vaccinations, and pneumonia is easily treated with antibiotics.
Moreover
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, breakthroughs in medical research,
such
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as gene therapy and artificial intelligence in diagnostics, allow for early disease detection, leading to better patient outcomes. As technology evolves, these innovations will
further
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enhance human longevity and quality of life.
Furthermore
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, increased accessibility to
healthcare
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has played a crucial role in improving public
health
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. In many countries, individuals can easily contact emergency services, schedule virtual consultations, or receive remote medical monitoring. Italy,
for instance
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, has one of the highest median ages in Europe, reflecting improved
healthcare
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access and preventive care.
Additionally
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, public
health
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campaigns and educational programs encourage healthier lifestyles, reducing the prevalence of chronic diseases like diabetes and heart disease. Governments are
also
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investing more in
healthcare
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infrastructure, ensuring that even rural communities receive proper medical attention. In conclusion,
while
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some fear a decline in
health
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standards, ongoing advancements in medical science, improved
healthcare
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accessibility, and greater public awareness suggest
otherwise
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. The future is likely to bring longer, healthier, and more fulfilling lives for generations to come.

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task achievement
Your arguments are well-structured and directly address the question. You've provided strong, clear reasons supporting your opinion that people's health will improve in the future. To enhance your score, consider adding a counterargument to show awareness of differing views, even if you don't agree with them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that are well-developed, and a concise conclusion. To improve cohesion, you can use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. For example, instead of just 'however' or 'moreover,' try alternatives like 'furthermore' or 'on the other hand' where appropriate.
strong example
Your use of specific examples, such as vaccinations and advancements in technology, strengthens your arguments significantly.
clarity of expression
The clarity of your ideas and the precise language you used provides a strong foundation for your essay, making your position easy to understand.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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