IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable but traditional values & customs have been lost & this is a pity. To what extend do you agree.

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch,
people
Use synonyms
 often leave no stone unturned to achieve everything they desire in their
lives
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.
However
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, it is argued that
although
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this
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 trend has made
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
 easier,it has vanished
ethics
Correct article usage
the ethics
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 and values of their
cultures
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. I agree with
this
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 conviction, as
people
Use synonyms
 are forgetting the importance of traditions in the race
of reaching
Change preposition
to reach
show examples
 their goals in
this
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 relentless competition. To commence with, there are a number of reasons which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 a section of society advocate that
cultures
Use synonyms
 and religions are no more important to
this
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 community.
Firstly
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,
due to
Linking Words
busier
Correct word choice
busy
show examples
Use synonyms
lives
Add a comma
lives,
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 nobody
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 time to acknowledge themselves with
ethics
Correct article usage
the ethics
show examples
 of their traditions.
For instance
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,
worshiping
Change the spelling
worshipping
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 god before going to work, visiting religious places and celebrating historical occasions.
Secondly
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, tremendous amenities and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 in an
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
Use synonyms
lives
Replace the word
life
show examples
 often
surrounds
Correct subject-verb agreement
surround
show examples
 them with
busier
Add an article
a busier
the busier
show examples
 environment where it becomes a daunting task for them to maintain a balance between everything.
Lastly
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, the proliferation of competition is leading a majority of
people
Use synonyms
 towards becoming more advanced and eventually buying things which can render them knowledge and experiences. Meanwhile, maintaining traditional values not only demands time and energy but
also
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 seeks knowledge and experiences from
older
Add an article
an older
the older
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 generation which nobody seems to be aware of in
this
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 era.
Consequelty
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of proficiencies to continue
such
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 merits between
people
Use synonyms
 is diminishing traditions and
cultures
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from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is necessary for
people
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 to acquire things in life they admire, a substantial proportion of time and energy should be given towards continuing the worth of
cultures
Use synonyms
 by
people
Use synonyms
 .

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coherence and cohesion
Try to include clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance overall structure and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate punctuation, especially in long sentences to improve readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or illustrations to support your points, which would help in achieving a clearer and more comprehensive idea.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address the question presented.
coherence and cohesion
The vocabulary used is rich and varied, contributing to a generally engaging read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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