IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good in society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Roles of
schools
Use synonyms
 include many materials
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but are not defined clearly.
This
Linking Words
 sometimes sparks the debate
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 social
skills
Use synonyms
 should be taught by
parents
Use synonyms
 or teachers. I would like to support the latter idea for the following reasons.
First,
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 are more suitable environments for
chiledren
Correct your spelling
children
 to learn good
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 in
societies
Use synonyms
 than their households. There are various types of
students
Use synonyms
 in
schools
Use synonyms
, being similar to
societies
Use synonyms
.
Students
Use synonyms
 can learn what
societies
Use synonyms
 are and what good
humans'
Change noun form
humans
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are in
such
Linking Words
 through discussions with classmates with different ways of thinking.
For example
Linking Words
, in a class
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 ethics, there can be discussions about what they should do when meeting homeless people in cities.
Students
Use synonyms
' opinions can be varied depending on their backgrounds. These kinds of discussions help
students
Use synonyms
 realize the
dificulties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 of
Use synonyms
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
 and
facillitate
Correct your spelling
facilitate
to think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 about good
behaviors
Fix the agreement mistake
behavior
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 do not necessarily have abilities to behave well in society. People do not have to be authorized as
parents
Use synonyms
, so
parents
Use synonyms
' social
skills
Use synonyms
 depend on their backgrounds and characteristics. If
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young and not
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
 couples have babies, they may not be able to teach how to be good in
societies
Use synonyms
 to their children because they are not educated well about social
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as common sense,
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
 and a good communication skill.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are getting more busy in modern
societies
Use synonyms
 and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 have enough time to teach something to children. The number of
falimies
Correct your spelling
facilities
fatalities
families
 that both
mathers
Change the capitalization
Mathers
mothers
show examples
 and
faterhs
Correct your spelling
fathers
 work together in companies is increasing all over the world, so
parents
Use synonyms
 cannot have enough time to communicate with
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
. In conclusion,
schools
Use synonyms
 have similarities to
societies
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
' social
skills
Use synonyms
 are not necessarily reliable and
parents
Use synonyms
 are possibly busy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I support the idea that
schools
Use synonyms
 should teach
students
Use synonyms
 how to behave well in
Use synonyms
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both views before stating your opinion. This helps to set up your essay more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
It may be beneficial to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples with additional details or explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid minor spelling errors (like 'chiledren', 'dificulties') and grammatical mistakes for better clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, which is a key requirement for this type of essay.
task achievement
The examples provided, especially regarding classroom discussions on ethics, are relevant and illustrate your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: