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Writing Samples
Band 7

The prevention of diseases should be prioritized by the government that their treatment. To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that preventing diseases and their spread is more sensible and economical than curing them, and ,
therefore
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, should be subsidized more.
Although
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 I agree with that statement, I believe treatment should not be disregarded
due to
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 several reasons. One of the strongest arguments for prioritizing
prevention
Use synonyms
 is its cost-effectiveness. Preventative measures,
such
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 as vaccination programs, health education, and an active lifestyle, can significantly reduce the financial burden of curing and treating.
As a result
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, the money spared on medicine, the
government
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 could allocate to other fields, improving the
overall
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 quality of life. Not only do
prevention
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 measures help to spare finances, but they
also
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 mitigate the influx of patients into
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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. As more sick people arrive at hospitals and medical centres, the higher pressure on doctors and nurses,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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leads to the loss of concentration and increases the probability of a mistake. Despite the undeniable pros of prioritizing preventative initiatives, I believe a balanced approach is the most effective option.
That is
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 to say, treating and curing is
also
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 essential, as it helps to rescue numerous patients who did not manage to take care of themselves.
Furthermore
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, if the
government
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 only encourages
prevention
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,
this
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 will lead to public discontent because people will be afraid of becoming ill, which negatively affects the
government
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's reputation. And
lastly
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, supporting treatment can positively impact medicine and improve or create new ways to prevent diseases.
For example
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, by studying and curing individuals who have cancer, scientists and doctors may discover the disease's weak points and soon have an opportunity to understand how to avoid it at the initial stages. All things considered, the disease treatment is, in fact, more costly for the
government
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 than its
prevention
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 and is, sometimes, even less effective. Notwithstanding
this
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, I view a balanced approach, which does not prioritize any of the two methods as the most effective
due to
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 its value for science, facilitation of public satisfaction, and ethics.

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task achievement
Expand on the conclusion to reinforce your arguments and provide a final thought that ties everything together.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are clear and logical to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments further, particularly in the discussion of treatment options.
content
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both prevention and treatment of diseases.
structure
Arguments are generally well-structured and relate closely to the topic.
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