IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The Shanghai metro is the most convenient way to get around the city. Do you agree or disagree?

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Big cities have many types of public
transportation
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, sparking a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 they are suitable for sightseeing or not. Some travelers say that public
transportation
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such
Linking Words
 as the Shanghai metro is the most useful way for sightseeing in
metropolis
Correct article usage
a metropolis
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. I disagree with the idea because
tourists
Use synonyms
 who are not familiar with cities should prioritize their safety and there are some risks to
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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. For a start, public
transportation
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 may be highly crowded, and
this
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 can cause serious accidents. Tremendous local people use public
transportation
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for going
Change preposition
to go
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 to schools or offices, so most metropolises have the problem of rush hour. If a tourist with two or three large
luggage’s
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suitcases
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 gets on subways during rush hour, he or she cannot keep enough space and his or her luggage may hurt other passengers.
In addition
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 to
this
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, some
tourists
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 may feel sick
for
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in
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 a crowded environment, combined with being tired. In order to continue
travels
Wrong verb form
travelling
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 with good conditions,
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 should not use public
transportation
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.
Moreover
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, public
transportation
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 is not necessarily safe because various types of people are able to get on them. Many light crimes have happened there so far.
According to
Linking Words
 a statistic in Paris in 2023, the place where
tourists
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 were stolen of their wallets most frequently was
subway
Add an article
the subway
a subway
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. Public
transportation
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 has
also
Linking Words
 been sometimes
Correct article usage
a targets
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targets
Fix the agreement mistake
target
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 of terrorists.
For example
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, the tragic event that some terrorists set harmful poisons in subways and killed many people happened in Tokyo in 1993. Public
transportation
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 has a risk of being involved in various crimes. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
tourists'
Change noun form
tourists
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 using public
transportation
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 some concerns in big cities.
Therefore
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, I do not support the idea that public
transportation
Use synonyms
 is the best way for
tourists
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, but consider providing a brief outline of the main reasons you'll discuss in your essay. This can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
While your points are valid, some are not fully supported with strong or relevant examples. Aim to provide more specific details or data when making claims about safety or crime. This will strengthen your argument significantly.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, use clearer transition phrases between your main points. This will help guide the reader through your arguments and enhance the overall flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single idea that is clearly related to your thesis. Sometimes, your points veer toward general statements that could benefit from more focus on the main argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and engages with a relevant topic that is of interest in urban contexts. Your voice comes through strongly which is commendable!
task achievement
You’ve made use of relevant examples to illustrate your points, particularly the reference to the Tokyo incident, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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