IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is irrefutable that in recent years photos of celebrities are becoming more popular because of reporters and
journalisms
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journalists
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. But most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
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 believe that it is a positive development for famous
persons
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people
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,
while
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 others claim that
by
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apply
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following
to
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apply
show examples
them all the time is not a good thing.
This
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 essay will describe
the
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apply
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both aspects and provide my own opinion in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, why
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of
people
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 are interested in the
life
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 of well-known
people
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? The most imperative fact is that most of the celebrities are role
model
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models
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 for the
people
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 who are big
fan
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fans
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 of them and always stay curious to know about their personal
life
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.
For instance
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, Virat
Kohali
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Kohli
 is
well-known
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a well-known
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 cricket player who
recent
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recently
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 just won
the
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a
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 match and
all
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apply
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the young generation is following him on every platform of social media
as well as
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they wait
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waiting
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 for his single move. But, he is the person who never
give
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gives
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 up in his
life
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 till the end which
strength
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strengthens
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of
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apply
show examples
him
give
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to give
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 the message to the public in a positive way.
As a result
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, glimpses of famous
people
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are
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apply
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play a pivotal role
to give
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in giving
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 the shape of
young
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the young
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generation
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generation's
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 lives.
However
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,
number
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a number
the number
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 of individuals
disagrees
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disagree
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 with those
people
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 who do not respect the privacy of celebrities. To explain it, if everything is on social media
such
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 as; what they are doing, eating and what they wear today does not make any sense. It is considered
like
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that
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a
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apply
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mad
people
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 are walking around them because of
this
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 scenario, they do not like to come outside from their houses and even they cannot talk with anyone in their societies. As
,
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apply
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 it can be said that
the
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apply
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crazy photographers
makes
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make
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 them more uncomfortable and unsecured
their
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in their
show examples
life
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. In conclusion, even though well-known
people
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 are role
model
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models
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 for
public
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the public
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but
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apply
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they should respect their personal
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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task response
Your introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Consider rephrasing it for better clarity: "In recent years, photographs of celebrities have gained immense popularity due to media coverage. While some believe this is beneficial for fans who are interested in their lives, others argue that such constant scrutiny invades their privacy."
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas. For instance, ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main theme and follows a logical progression. Using more linking words could help.
task response
Your examples could be more relevant and specific. While you mentioned Virat Kohli, providing a more explicit connection between his success and its impact on the youth would strengthen your argument.
task response
You have made a good attempt to cover both views on the topic, presenting a balanced discussion.
task response
Your use of an example with a famous figure like Virat Kohli is a good way to illustrate your point. It helps to engage readers who may be familiar with his achievements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity status
  • Public interest
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Mental health impact
  • Media scrutiny
  • Personal freedom
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public figure
  • Consent
  • Balance
  • Surveillance
  • Unwanted photography
  • Admiration
  • Inspiration
  • Intrusive
What to do next:
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