Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views and give your opinon.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to
Linking Words
some people, confining
animals
Use synonyms
in zoos is detrimental to their well-being.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that it enhances entertainment and boosts it in a wild environment. I will discuss both views and share my opinion. On the one hand, it's undeniable that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
in zoos can harm
animals
Use synonyms
physically and mentally.
This
Linking Words
is because most of the continent’s
animals
Use synonyms
are used to exercising their instincts,
such
Linking Words
as hunting, mating, and running in the wild.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the small spaces of animal parks will limit their abilities to do so, leading them to experience anxiety, depression, and other physical issues
such
Linking Words
as obesity and muscle atrophy
due to
Linking Words
lack of activity.
For example
Linking Words
, recent studies found that zoo
animals
Use synonyms
suffer from joint issues
due to
Linking Words
limited space, and others showed repetitive behaviours, indicating stress and poor mental health.
This
Linking Words
highlights the negative impact of captivity on animal well-being.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are cases where it's significantly important to keep
animals
Use synonyms
in animal sanctuaries to prevent them from extinction.
This
Linking Words
is because some species are exposed to poaching or loss of natural habitat, which leads them to extinction.
Therefore
Linking Words
, wildlife sanctuaries provide the safest shelter for endangered living beings.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Amur leopard, critically endangered
due to
Linking Words
poaching and habitat loss, has seen an increase in its population
due to
Linking Words
conservation efforts in protected areas.
In addition
Linking Words
, it's possible to use nature reserves as a way to entertain visitors and let them connect with the wildlife and learn more about
animals
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, we will guarantee both safety for endangered species and entertainment for people in a healthy way. In conclusion, keeping
animals
Use synonyms
in zoos just for entertainment, and not caring for what their needs and instincts are, can lead to physical and mental issues
such
Linking Words
as anxiety and obesity.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I personally believe that allowing visitors in protected areas is the ideal way to protect
animals
Use synonyms
and entertain people at the same time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your main argument or position to guide the reader. While you mention your opinion at the end, it could be more explicit at the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of linking phrases is good, but consider varying your transition words to enhance flow. For example, instead of 'on the other hand,' you might use 'in contrast' or 'conversely.'
task achievement
While you've provided relevant examples, expanding on the implications of your examples can strengthen your argument further. Explain why the examples are important in the context of your points.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced view before presenting your opinion, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is organized logically with clear paragraphs, and each paragraph focuses on a single idea, which enhances readability.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: