IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while other believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The pivotal debate about
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention remains a contentious issue. Some argue that it falls within the purview of the government,
while
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 others assert that individuals must bear the onus of their own protection.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and argue in favour of the former. On the one hand, the government possesses legislative power to enact and enforce laws, acting as a primary deterrent to criminal activity. Potential offenders are dissuaded by the severity of penalties imposed by the state.
For instance
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, Singapore’s stringent legal framework, particularly its use of capital punishment for grave
offenses
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offences
show examples
 like drug trafficking, demonstrably reduces
crime
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 rates by instilling fear of consequences.
Furthermore
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, comprehensive public
safety
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 initiatives,
such
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 as strategically placed street lighting and advanced police surveillance systems, significantly enhance
security
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, as evidenced by their successful implementation in nations like Japan.
Thus
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, the state plays a fundamental role in
crime
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 prevention by establishing systemic deterrence and safeguarding communities.
On the other hand
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, individuals must adopt proactive measures to protect themselves, as governmental agencies cannot guarantee omnipresent protection. Practical steps include installing home
security
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 systems, learning self-defence techniques, and participating in community watch programs.
Additionally
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, fostering personal awareness through
safety
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 education and adopting preventive behaviours,
such
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 as avoiding high-risk areas and maintaining vigilance in public spaces, bolsters individual
security
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. In my opinion, the government serves as the cornerstone of citizen
safety
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 and protection from violations.
Consequently
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, it must legislate and enforce laws comprehensively across the nation
while
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 prioritising public
safety
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. In conclusion,
while
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 every citizen bears responsibility for their own
security
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, I believe the government’s ultimate duty is to safeguard its citizens by addressing the root causes of
crime
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.

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task achievement
Consider explicitly stating the counter-argument in its own paragraph to further strengthen your position.
coherence
Use more linking phrases to enhance the flow between points and make transitions smoother.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument in favor of government responsibility, supported with relevant examples.
coherence
The ideas are well-structured, with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint, enhancing readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
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