IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is said that
risks
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 play a crucial role in both the professional and personal life of each person. There are some advantages as
people
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 take
risks
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 in their
lives
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whereas
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 a few disadvantages connecting to these need to be mentioned.
Risks
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 are always the limit that
people
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 may not ever desire to reach both in their professional and personal
lives
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.
Although
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risks
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 may bring some difficult problems, they seem important for
people
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 to grow up. Considering
initially
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 the advantages,
people
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 take
risks
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 as they choose to live in a different country with a different language, environment and culture.
As a result
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 of that circumstance,
people
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 will gain more precious experience and more effective life-skills helping them adapt to any environment quickly. In the other aspects,
people
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 can find themselves aware of each personal boundaries so that they can learn and exceed their limits every day. In another situation, if
people
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 took a job that they do not really fancy, they would improve their knowledge and enhance their abilities through the job.
Nevertheless
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, advantages always come with disadvantages and
people
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 may face losing some opportunities.
For instance
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, whether
people
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 choose a safety zone and miss a chance with a new job, they might miss a good opportunity for promotion in their career path.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 should take
risks
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 in their
lives
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 to challenge for a better version of themselves. Meanwhile,
people
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 should carefully choose which
risks
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 to take to avoid making mistakes and to make their
lives
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 better.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer and more distinct introduction and conclusion. You could restate your main argument more clearly in the conclusion to reinforce your position.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit long and may lose clarity. Try to break them down or simplify them for better readability.
task achievement
Enhance your examples with more specific details or scenarios to give a clearer picture of the points you are making. Examples can be more vivid for better engagement.
task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly. You might want to elaborate a bit more on the disadvantages or present counterarguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the theme concerning taking risks and demonstrates the writer's personal viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
The ideas are relevant, and you have supported your main points with examples, which is a strong aspect of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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