IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that an efficient public transport system is the most important factor in the development of a modern city. Others argue that aspects such as healthcare, education, and public safety should take priority. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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According to
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 some, the most crucial element in the growth of a contemporary
city
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 is an effective public transportation infrastructure. Others contend that public safety, healthcare, and
education
Use synonyms
 need to come first. Both of these have their own merits and they will be discussed in that essay before presenting my own ideas.
To begin
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 with, it can be noted that an efficient
transport
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 system can prevent traffic jams, reduce pollution and reduce noise in the
city
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.
As a result
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, the public will start and continue their day comfortablely
as well as
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 without stress because
transport
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 system is an important part of people's lives
due to
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 the reason of spending most of their time in it.
For example
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, in Japan or China, despite the large population, a properly regulated and created
transport
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 service ensures the smooth movement of the population,
along with
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 a neat appearance of the
city
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.
On the other hand
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, many people think that there are more important issues than
transport
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,
such
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 as health,
education
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 and public safety.
Thus
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, engineers who grow up in countries with poor
education
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 will have a poor contribution to the progress of the
city
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. The inability to meet the hospital and medical needs of the population,
as well as
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 the lack of public confidence, are among the main obstacles to the development of a
city
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 or country.
For example
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, the improving process of many cities in India is 50 years behind other places, since literacy,
education
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 and public safety are in the background. In conclusion, there is no
education
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 without health, there is no security without
education
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, and an area without any of these cannot develop. In my opinion, there are more important issues for the development of a
city
Use synonyms
 than efficient transportation.

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task achievement
Consider revising the introduction to include a clearer thesis statement that outlines your key arguments more explicitly. This helps in presenting a clearer direction for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more fluidly. Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to make your arguments stronger. For instance, when discussing public safety and education, providing statistics or more detailed examples could bolster your points.
content
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
content
The conclusion effectively sums up the main points and clearly states your opinion on the matter.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • accessibility
  • economic activities
  • quality of life
  • modern city
  • public transport
  • prioritize
  • development
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure
  • sustainability
  • urban planning
  • public safety
  • healthcare
  • education
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