IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

When visiting foreign countries, some people think it is advantageous to learn their cultures and traditions. How do you think people can learn other cultures and traditions? Why some people are interested in learning those traditions and cultures while others not?

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In the contemporary tourism landscape, there is a widely held view that one of the best way contributes to learning a wide
range
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 of cultures and customs is visitng various countries.
While
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 some
people
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 are passionate about gaining insight into values and beliefs abroad, others are not motivated to travel around foreign countries’ backgrounds. From my perspective, there is a wide
range
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 of procedures and approaches can be used by ourselves in order to be aware of a nation’s history for those who show a keen interest, which is going to be articulated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, regarding actions that can be taken to extend cultural awareness abroad, attending cultural events and visiting historical places are great ways. When a person participate in foreign ceremonies or carnivals
such
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 as Christmass or Thanksgiving, he can keep in contact with a wide
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 of native
people
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 and discuss their mores in his communication. For instanse, During the spent time in traveling to Dubai, A person can learn a wide
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 of infformation about its customs during conversation with its residents
while
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 I attended the Eid Al Fitr festival during the Holy Month of Ramadan.
Additionally
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, a wide
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 of data lies in historical sites, which can be attained during epochal tours. To cite an example, one of my Canadian friends prehension valuable insights about Iran’s rich historical background and our fascinating traditions and values through her visit to the Persepolis at Shiraz. But why are some
people
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 attracted to those cultures and customs and enthusiastic about learning them, but others are apathetic about it? Learning about new rituals and civilizations is personal and related to individuals’ passions, preferences, and capacities. Among those who visit new regions, some may rely on the recreational aspect of travel and find it complicated to adjust to unfamiliar ethos. They choose only to be involved in fun leisure activities without the challenges of learning about a new culture.
On the other hand
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, a group of
people
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 is fond of acquiring knowledge about each country’s chronicle and lifestyle. They may have the potential to rapidly learn about the various ways of life and enjoy broadening their horizons in
this
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 context. In conclusion, if we leave aside the role of individual differences in
people
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’s preferences to learn new cultures and traditions, there are many different tactics to grasp cultural intelligence that provide special conditions for enhancing human comprehension of different civilizations.

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Task Achievement
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic but could benefit from a more precise thesis statement to clarify your position. Ensure that your main points will be effectively addressed in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are organized fairly well, but some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader more clearly through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide a little more depth in your examples to fully illustrate your points. Adding a few more specific examples or expanding on the provided ones will strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant insights into the reasons why some people are interested in other cultures, showing an understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The use of personal anecdotes, such as your friend’s experience visiting Persepolis, adds a personal touch and makes your argument relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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