IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important. What are the causes of this? Is this a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Real estate is given a huge press. Nowadays, one of the most repetitive subjects in any community is owning a home or renting one. It is irrefutable that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shelter for themselves, but is it important to be a landlord or tenant?
Initially
Linking Words
, we should consider that each human needs a place
for staying
Change preposition
to stay
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 have
this
Linking Words
 chance to live in a situation which is teeming with wealth and joy, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the other group are born deprived or poor so they do not have the former
groups'
Change noun form
group's
show examples
 privileges.
During
Change preposition
Throughout
show examples
 history, societies
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 always divided into two groups: rich and poor.
As a result
Linking Words
, house ownership was always a positive point and ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 utterly respect landlords.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the historical scheme, rivalry is another factor. It is common, especially among married couples, that humans have an intense tendency to be better than their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are always striving to keep up with the Joneses. The
last
Linking Words
 cause could be
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizen's worries
toward
Change preposition
about
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. When are young, they think
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 themselves: what will happen 20 years later when we become laid-back and have to live without any income? If they do not have any accommodations by themselves, they have to be accommodated in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nursing homes which is horrifying for a vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
. As far as I am concerned,
this
Linking Words
 social belief could have negative results in the future. We should consider that we are just human and we are living in some problematic societies
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 a utopia. Allegedly, these days more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are trying with
sweet
Correct your spelling
sweat
show examples
, tears and
bloods
Change the wording
blood
types of blood
drops of blood
show examples
 to buy a
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 house for their family, but
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expectation of community and having a sense of
over perfectionism
Add a hyphen
over-perfectionism
show examples
 will have bad consequences in the near future, like
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
 in metropolises or other types of pollution in large cities.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 owning a house is indispensable for a family or even a young couple, it should not be obligatory for each person.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider structuring your essay with clearer paragraphs, each representing a distinct idea. Each point can be more fully developed in its own paragraph to improve logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples directly support your main arguments. Providing more specific and relevant examples will enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
overall clarity
While you have presented interesting ideas, be careful with your language choices. Some phrases can be simplified for better understanding and more natural expression.
task achievement
You have raised relevant points about societal views on homeownership and provided a unique perspective on societal pressures.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and presents the topic in a thought-provoking way.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural norms
  • symbol of success
  • long-term investment
  • financial security
  • asset appreciation
  • personal autonomy
  • modify surroundings
  • social significance
  • tax deductions
  • generational wealth
  • community engagement
  • housing bubble
  • real estate market
  • economic stability
  • mortgage financing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: