IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some believe that motivating employees to
work
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 harder by paying them based on their contribution to
work
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 is a good
approach
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.
This
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 essay will explore why I personally agree with
this
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 view and support my stance with some examples. Indeed,
this
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 will positively affect both the
workers
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' aspiration to
work
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 harder and their productivity.
That is
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 to say, the majority of
workers
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 in companies, particularly blue-collar ones, primarily
work
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 for their salary rather than seeking success or career advancement opportunities. The incorporation of
such
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 an
approach
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 will encourage them to put more effort into it as they earn higher wages, enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
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 efficiency and performance. Take store managers as an example. Most of them do not tend to
work
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 hard as there is barely any promotion for them.
However
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, if their hard
work
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 brings them more money, their efficiency will improve. Despite these apparent benefits, I believe companies should take one nuance of
this
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approach
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 into account before integrating it into the
work
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 process.
First,
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if an employee comes down with illness or goes on vacation, missing several days or weeks at
work
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, his contribution will sharply decrease, meaning that they will earn less.
As a result
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,
workers
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 will be unsatisfied to receive smaller wages
due to
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 unforeseeable circumstances. In order to tackle
this
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 problem, organizations could find an average amount of money they would pay regardless of their
work
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 performance.
To conclude
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, the incorporation of a contribution-based salary
approach
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 would benefit
workers
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 and companies—
workers
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 would earn more,
while
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 companies would experience greater efficiency.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses the main argument, providing a stronger connection between points.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas effectively, particularly in the second body paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider enhancing the complexity of sentence structures in some areas for a higher score.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear agreement with the topic and provides logical reasons for this viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivate
  • encourage
  • productivity
  • performance-based pay
  • objective assessment
  • collaboration
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • stress
  • burnout
  • job satisfaction
  • compensation strategy
  • quantify
  • supportive work environment
  • professional development
  • recognition programs
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