Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
Money is considered a significant factor in being happy. Despite the fact that money plays a vital role in our lives,
people
could have an enjoyable life
without being wealthy. Moreover
, there are other means by which people
can experience happiness.
To begin
with, I strongly believe that human beings can be happy even when they are not rich. According to
statistical data, numerous people
who live in developed countries believe that individuals who live in developing countries which are poorer areas have happier and more pleasurable lives. In other words
, possessing more financial budget could not be the primary factor in being happy over a lifetime. In addition
, there are myriad people
from low-level countries who are satisfied in their lives when they can give other people
a helping hand. The more people
are assisted by them, the better feeling they have. For instance
, many patients have been visited by doctors who have been charitable in Africa. After
this
time all of them announced that they had a sense of pleasure which they had never had before. As a result
, people
could be happy regardless of how much they possess.
Having said that, there are other factors which play an important role in human feelings. Firstly
, having an excellent relationship could be a positive way of being happy. In circumstances
, humans avoid tension Correct word choice
certain circumstances
as well as
conflict which should be taken into account to promote happiness. According to
a survey which was conducted in Iran, many rich people
feel depressed because they do not have a strong relationship. Secondly
, being positive and having positive insight could be effective in having pleasure time because people
continuously think about plus points in life
which leads to being happy. Thus
, the more they think about plus
point of Correct article usage
the plus
life
, the more energetic life
they will have.
In conclusion, although
money could give people
an opportunity to accomplish something to be happy. There are numerous factors which might be more vital for happiness. I personally take the view that job satisfactionAdd the comma(s)
, as well as decent family relationships,
as well as
decent family relationships are superior compared to financial position for having a more enjoyable life
.Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present; however, they could be improved by clarifying the thesis statement and summarizing the main points more concisely. Work on sharpening the focus of your opening and closing statements for a stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported; however, providing more detailed and relevant examples would enhance their impact. Ensure that examples align closely with the points they support, and are detailed enough to convincingly illustrate the argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but the response would benefit from deeper analysis. Expand on your points by providing further discussion about how and why money does not equate to happiness, and how other factors can be more influential.
task achievement
The ideas are clear, but greater comprehensiveness in your explanation of happiness factors other than money would improve the essay. Delve more into the nuances of the subject by considering a wider variety of viewpoints and evidence.
task achievement
Relevant examples were provided but lacked specificity and depth. To score higher, make use of specific, real-world examples that are directly relevant to the points being made, and discuss these examples in a way that powerfully supports your argument.
Your opinion
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