IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some college freshmen find that the courses they choose are not suitable for them. What are the causes of this?What can be done to solve the problem?

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It is undeniable that in
this
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 era of education, life become more convenient to develop than ever. Certain learners have challenges in selecting suitable
subjects
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. Despite the administration's support of their
students
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. From
this
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 perspective, I firmly agree that
this
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 phenomenon has several causes. Ergo,
this
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 essay will highlight the issue's causes and how to solve a problem in some steps,by providing relevant examples and insights. On the one hand, there are numerous reasons which directly linked to alarming cases. The first and foremost cause is low awareness of how several
students
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 are not interested in knowing the nature of
subjects
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. To illustrate more, they think about how to register these items. What is more,
students
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 feel uncomfortable in some majors which reflects a negative impact on their academic performance. A clear example is a study conducted by the University of Nizwa in 2023 showed that 50% of college freshmen chose hard
subjects
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 in the first year. Sequentially, they had failed and could not complete their study. As a sequence, the outcome of
this
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 situation causes certain problems which continue in advancement.
On the other hand
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, there is no denying that choosing suitable courses has a crucial role in modern education.
Thus
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, the government should encourage learners to have feedback about
subjects
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 by using different apps,
such
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 as Instagram and WhatsApp which introduce specific assistance for them.
Moreover
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, the most popular event which reduces
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 risk is to ask a Supervisor.
For instance
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, A report by the Omani Educational Associate indicated that 85 per cent of
students
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 who took easy courses in the first time frame accomplished success in whole fields.
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, these selections could definitely improve the case. In conclusion, no doubt in
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 era of humanities, higher education plays an essential role in modern society.
However
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, I assert
students
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 should pay attention to their choices and the Master encourages them to acquire knowledge about the issue.
Therefore
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, these can be lessened by immediate steps by the government and citizens.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction provides a good overview of the essay's purpose but could be more clearly structured. Consider stating the main points you will discuss in a more structured way to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In your paragraphs, the ideas can appear somewhat disconnected. Try to use more linking phrases to improve the flow from one idea to the next. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Some of your examples are relevant but could be further detailed to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the points made. Expanding on these examples will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While you mentioned some good solutions, articulating them in a more organized manner will enhance the overall effectiveness of your response. Group similar ideas together to create a clearer argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both the causes and solutions to the problem, which is essential for a well-rounded response.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the study conducted by the University of Nizwa, shows an attempt to support your argument, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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