IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people think technological devices such as smartphones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Contribution of the modern devices is significant. In
this
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 regard, some communities claim that smart gadgets
such
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 as phones and I-pad increasingly affect human lifestyle
while
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 others reject his notion.
This
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 substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy among the communities. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the statement, that the purpose of Android phones and tablets is to provide more convenience.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on the positive impacts of
this
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 trend and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that, in recent times, smartphones have improved individual lifestyles. Continued internet connectivity in
such
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 devices enhances real-time information access and harnesses multi-tasking capabilities.
For example
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, multiple functions in modern phones, including the alarm system, reminders, notes, and phone diaries, have reduced the need for manual effort. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that the evolution of digital apparatus is the game changer that makes our lives much easier in different ways,
such
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 as study and work.
Firstly
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, in the application of study, technological widgets provide a wide range of possibilities for students from different levels of educational institutes to create knowledge. Take smartphones as an example, physics students are able to learn and even discover new stars by using a phone
that is
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 connected to an application called Astrotelescope.
Moreover
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, art students can create their own artwork by drawing directly on the tablets.
Therefore
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, creating knowledge cannot be easier than ever. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments and aforementioned, one can reach the conclusion that the benefits of modern gadgets
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 smartphones, tablets and mobiles are indeed too great.

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task achievement
Ensure that there is a clearer stance in the introduction. While you state you disagree, clarify by stating that you see more advantages than disadvantages. This aligns better with the task.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, use expressions like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' more consistently.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, make sure to balance the number of advantages discussed; you mainly focus on improved lifestyle without contrasting it with any disadvantages. This will create a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Strong use of specific examples, such as the use of smartphones in education, enhances the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Digital communication
  • Information accessibility
  • Global connectivity
  • Virtual interaction
  • Data privacy concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Health implications
  • Screen time
  • Dependence on technology
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