IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 always argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advertising
whether have
Wrong verb form
has
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attraction
Add an article
an attraction
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 to
people
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. Some
people
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thought
Wrong verb form
think
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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advertising become boring and normal and not so useful
in
Change preposition
apply
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today. But some
people
Use synonyms
 don't
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
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 it, they think advertising
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a huge power to get
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 attention to the product. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both of them. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advertising
appeared
Wrong verb form
appears
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 too often in
people
Use synonyms
's
life
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lives
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 and some
people
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 have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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disgute
Correct your spelling
dispute
 it.
For example
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, when
people
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 use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media to discuss a type of
cook
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cooked
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 product, the AD from
the
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apply
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online shopping will
present
Add a missing verb
be present
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 on their screen. And
then
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, some
comment
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comments
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 will talk about a brand good just like
people
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 communicate in common.
Sometime
Correct your spelling
Sometimes
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,
people
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watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 the video on the website, and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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30s to
60s
Correct your spelling
'60s
 advertising will cut that and make
people
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 craze.
On
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At
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this
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 time,
people
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 always thought their time
were
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was
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 spent
in
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on
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 unimportant
thing
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things
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 and feeling down. They will
refuses
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refuse
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 to buy
this
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 product because it
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
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 them a bad impression.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 can get some references from the advertising, and
Correct pronoun usage
this affected
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affected
Wrong verb form
affects
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 their
choose
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choice
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. The advertising often
attract
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attracts
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people
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 by the
creativity
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creative
show examples
 way, and it will improve
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people
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people's
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 interest in it,
such
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 as the cleaning robot. At
last
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, when
people
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 considered to buy a tool to help them do housework, they only can think of some usual ways.
However
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, in the technical movement, more and more
people
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 know the cleaning robot by advertising in different ways, and they will
be prefer
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prefer
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 to buy a machine for cleaning their house. That's a good method to change
people
Use synonyms
's thinking. In my view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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AD
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a strong effectivity
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to do
Verb problem
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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shopping
decide
Verb problem
apply
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.
However
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, the advertiser
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to think
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
 good ways to make
people
Use synonyms
 accept it.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly related to the topic. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the point you'll discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a clear conclusion that summarizes your opinions effectively and reiterates the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Use more precise vocabulary and varied sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement.
task achievement
It helps to elaborate on your examples to make them more specific and relatable, strengthening your argument.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for a discussion essay.
task achievement
You made some relevant points about how advertising can influence consumer behavior, showing your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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