IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people focus on national news, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and offer your opinion

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Recently, some individuals
argue
Wrong verb form
have argued
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 that society's interest should be on internal
nation
Replace the word
national
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 scope,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 global matters are more significant. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 both perspectives will be discussed
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion. After the popularity of social media, people start to develop an interest in global
news
Use synonyms
. Communities around the world have become connected and the latest incidents
of
Change preposition
in
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 other
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 might seem as important as internal ones.
Also
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, an increasing number of people leave their nations to live in
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world, which may lead to the fact that international matters might be vital for a lot .
Furthermore
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, business owners who distribute their services to multi-national suppliers are aware of the importance of knowing what happens in other regions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, engaging in global
news
Use synonyms
 might be
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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 and cause mental harm. The time you spend
in
Change preposition
apply
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watching the
news
Use synonyms
that is
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 unrelated to the country
one
Correct pronoun usage
you
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lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 in might be high which can actually be spent
on
Change preposition
in
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more
Correct article usage
a more
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 productive manner
such
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 as
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or working. I personally consider the awareness of only national
news
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
to be
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 far
crucial
Correct quantifier usage
more crucial
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 than other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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news
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, the argument
whether
Add a missing verb
is whether
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 focusing on the
news
Use synonyms
 of
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 country can be
prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritised
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 to the interest of other nations.
On
Change preposition
In
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 my viewpoint, internal events matter more than external
due to
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 the time consumption and mental damage
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may result in
although
Linking Words
 external matters might be appealing to be interested in.

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Introduction
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Consider rephrasing the opening statement to more directly present the topic. In addition, ensure that your thesis statement clearly states your opinion alongside the preview of both views.
Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For instance, in your second paragraph, clearly indicate that you are presenting an opposing viewpoint.
Support
Expand on your points with more specific examples and explanations, especially regarding how international news affects people’s lives in practical terms, to strengthen your arguments.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, clarify your opinion more decisively. Summarize your main points succinctly and ensure that your personal viewpoint is expressed strongly.
Content
You provide a balanced view by discussing both national and international news, which shows good understanding of the topic.
Structure
The essay is generally structured with clear paragraphs that separate your ideas, making it easier to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • civic participation
  • global perspective
  • economic trends
  • cultural exchanges
  • interconnected world
  • local policies
  • societal issues
  • empathy
  • global markets
  • international relations
  • immediate environment
  • increasingly important
  • context
  • broader perspective
What to do next:
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