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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

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The pivotal debate about
technology
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 remained for many years. Some people think that
technology
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 has a positive impact on
communication
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,
while
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 others believe that the negative effects outweigh the advantages. From my perspective,
technology
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 has helped individuals for many reasons that will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it boosts
communication
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 among families. Before
technology
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, families were not able to know their loved ones' news unless they were physically in town or communicated by letters, which would be delayed for weeks or even months. Nowadays, a young adult has the opportunity to study abroad and work in other cities with less feeling of homesickness and isolation.
For example
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, a Saudi female fresh graduate can convince her parents to allow her to pursue a master's degree more easily
due to
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 daily
communication
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 through video calls, which will reassure the family.
Furthermore
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, people around the world get to know each other, so cultures, languages, traditions, and even religions are exchanged quickly and easily.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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 can drive people, especially teenagers, apart. Recently, adolescents spend most of their time chatting and playing video games with their online friends
instead
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 of spending quality time with their own family or friends.
For instance
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, teens may isolate themselves in their own rooms, which limits their ability to communicate, explore the world, and engage in physical activities
such
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 as playing football and shopping. In conclusion,
technology
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 has changed
communication
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 significantly. Its advantages,
such
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 as the spread of cultures, cannot be ignored, despite the negative effects,
such
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 as isolation. It is recommended that parents control tech addiction to minimize the drawbacks of
technology
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.

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task achievement
While your introduction is good, consider rephrasing it for an even stronger impact. A more engaging opening sentence can hook the reader's attention.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, try to diversify your vocabulary a bit more to enhance your arguments. More varied language can improve the overall impression of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that both viewpoints are explored with balance. You could elaborate more on the negative impacts of technology mentioned in your second body paragraph.
task achievement
Your examples were relevant and added strength to your arguments, especially the real-life scenario of the Saudi female graduate. This enhances clarity and engagement.
coherence and cohesion
The overall logical flow of your essay is commendable. Ideas are logically structured and easy to follow, which makes your argument clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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