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Writing Samples
Band 6

Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums, zoo and concerts and sometimes even to other countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?

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Nowadays,
children
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 who take secondary school have several extra activities. They can visit the zoo, museums, and musical events or go abroad. Even though their parents spend vast amounts of money, I think
this
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 activity benefits them. Concerning negative aspects, a lot of money is required from their parents. Several activities must be planned well before, and some should be paid expensively. Not all families can afford
this
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. Going abroad requires paying first for the flights and accommodations, and not all of them can be done without their parents, who should follow their
children
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's activities abroad.
As a result
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, they should prepare the money for a family and cannot only calculate the
children
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's needs. Regarding the positive aspects, for me, it will bring many benefits.
Firstly
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,
children
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 will get a chance to learn about new things. By going to other countries, they can learn about life abroad and the cultural ways of other countries. They can absorb knowledge about Japanese culture, where most can live independently.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 will prepare for maturity deeper. Through music,
children
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 can adapt to communicate with each other and get a talk about the music. From the film, they can share and talking each other about the experience of the film. These
experience
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experiences
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 in their life should be trained
since
Change preposition
from
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child
Replace the word
childhood
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.
Moreover
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, by visiting places
children
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 need, they can learn about their needs and see the reality.
For example
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, to learn more about animals,
children
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 can visit zoos to see real elephants safely,  In conclusion, the upsides outweigh the downsides of these issues. Visiting so many places can fasten the child's ability to become more clever than their friends because they have more experience.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement in the introduction to specify both advantages and disadvantages more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected and transitions between ideas are smoother to enhance overall flow.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to illustrate your points more comprehensively, offering more specific details.
task achievement
You effectively communicated the idea that these activities can benefit children's learning and maturity.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which meets the requirements of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • broadens perspective
  • culture
  • curriculum
  • interactive
  • retain information
  • subject matter
  • promote
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • fosters
  • meticulously
  • safety risks
  • financial strain
  • disruptions
  • compression
  • exclude
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