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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, the amount o f crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes o f crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #f #crime
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Various reports around the world, whether in developed countries or the less ones, demonstrate that crimes' rate is increasing especially in theft and murder. Number of reasons and circonstances might lead to that; we will show some of them in
this
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 essay. Perhaps, the economic state of the country will be the first to mention: Inflation rate is going higher and higher the 10
last
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 years,
thus
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, individual's incomes tend to become lower and lower and various items whether it will be the first needs or the punctual ones become less affordable, if not impossible to buy. Another reason can be pointed, especially in countries listed at the bottom of HDI's rate (Human develpment index): the jobs' market. The late doesn't seem to show any sign of a liftoff, even if the country in question boasts many opportunities and a qualified workforce. So, the unemployment gains ground among young people leading them to uncalculated questionable acts like drug dealing, especially in guettos.
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, Psychological effects can lead to violence, consequences of living in specific geographic landscapes: social environment with no places for leisure like cinemas or gym push young generations to acts of thieft, drugs, and sadly even murders.
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, gangs can be formed and the cycle of violence will be ignited, a cycle which very difficult to stop. Another psychological influence is the one resulted by the COVID-19 pandemic.The sanitary confinement left psychological aftereffects on all the ranges of people around the globe. Solutions should be provided and some of them already are showing good results.
Firstly
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, political will must be showed to annihilate most of crime's causes. A clear economical strategy should be emphasized, subsidies and grants must be in the plan especially for the poorer individuals with less jobs opportunities.
Submitted by mohad882013 on

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coherence cohesion
You need a clearer structure in your essay. Introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion should be distinct with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to provide a conclusion that restates your main points and provides a clear finishing statement.
task achievement
Some main points do not have supporting examples or details. It's important to illustrate each point with specific evidence or examples.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question but consider further development of your solutions in the second part of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socioeconomic factors
  • poverty
  • unemployment
  • dysfunctional families
  • parental guidance
  • peer pressure
  • substance abuse
  • lenient laws
  • weak enforcement
  • legal system
  • law enforcement
  • media influence
  • desensitize
  • glorification of crime
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