IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicines should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree

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It has obviously been observed that the population has considerably increased, which has affected many various sectors, particularly healthcare, it seeks out a modern holistic approach, is not enough to address all challenges. A portion of the population believes in traditional antibiotics as an alternative allopathic remedy and I believe that incorporating both new medicines and cultural antibiotics could be a potential solution . In recent years, individual lifestyles have been changed
as a result
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 of a sedentary lifestyle , processed food, technology, and a polluted environment, which leads to many chronic diseases, including diabetes, high heart rate, and cancer. The new healthcare system focuses more on diagnosing, laboratory, pills and surgery to heal patients and they are treated successfully most of the time. Another benefit is treating a disabled person who has a physical, sensory and intellectual problem. when born with a disability, surgeons can aid them in dealing with it. Despite the great success that has been achieved , doctors can more faithfully fulfil their Hippocratic oaths if they use both ways. Traditional prescription tackles more prevention of illnesses through balanced nutrition, doing exercises regularly, and a therapeutic treatment rather than tests and diagnoses. Sustainable nutrition ,
for example
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, provided by healthy diets fuels the body, supports the immune system, and enhances mental clarity
also
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 engaging in sports can improve longevity.
To conclude
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, modern medicines can drive new innovations for new sicknesses that may appear in the future,
while
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 cultural medicine is a vital approach to preventing diseases and should not be ignored

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating your position and outlining the points you will discuss. This would strengthen the overall task response.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure every paragraph has a clear main idea that relates directly to your thesis. The arrangement of ideas in the paragraphs could be more organized for better flow.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your ideas. For instance, mentioning specific traditional medicines or practices could enhance relevance and clarity.
content
You present a range of ideas and perspectives on the topic, showing a good understanding of the issues surrounding modern and traditional medicine.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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