IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical information and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to
medicine
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become much more common than before.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who seek
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alternative medicines and treatments has been rising
while
Linking Words
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 choose the conventional way to visit their usual
dotors
Correct your spelling
doctors
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides of the situation and show the reason why it is more of a positive development. One of
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 downsides behind the growing attempt
of trying
Change preposition
to try
show examples
medicine
Use synonyms
 based on
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 is the unseen risk of taking
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
medicine
Use synonyms
. Without the doctor's preliminary
diagonis
Correct your spelling
diagnosis
 and prescription, it is hard to know whether the alternative
medicine
Use synonyms
 we took has caused long-term side effects .
For example
Linking Words
, there was a news
reported
Replace the word
report
show examples
 that one certain brand of loss-weight capsule helps the taker curb the desire
of consuming
Change preposition
to consume
show examples
 food by breaking the normal pattern of
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
 mechanism of digestion.
Although
Linking Words
 we see the instant result of keeping in slim body shape, it causes them to vomit and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 sick for another part of the organs. Without keeping an eye on what we take for the treatment might
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 more harm than good.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the benefits of self-treatment are divided in two ways. One is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience. If the problem is a minor issue, going to the pharmacy saves money and time. We don't need to make a reservation first or
waiting
Wrong verb form
wait
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
line to receive the treatment. Another advantage is the increased awareness of body health.
People
Use synonyms
 nowadays could have online
cousres
Correct your spelling
courses
 to learn basic knowledge to cure the pain in their joints and learn
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
 ways to
exercies
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
. The essay argued the benefits and the risks of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the doctor less.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to define the topic more clearly in your introduction and present a clearer stance (positive or negative) rather than stating you will discuss both sides. This will help frame your argument clearly.
coherence
In your argument about the downsides of alternative medicine, ensure the example provided is clearly explained and directly linked to your point.
coherence
Improve the organization of your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main argument and that supporting points are well developed. Consider adding a conclusion that summarizes your key arguments and restates your position.
task achievement
You raised relevant points about the advantages and disadvantages of alternative medicines, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates an effort to engage with the topic and include personal knowledge, which adds a personal touch.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: