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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that entering the workplace after school is far more beneficial than studying at university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Recently, the debate whether
immediate
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the immediate
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 entrance to the workplace, when completing school without preceding in university degree is more advantageous is discussed. Some individuals argue that practical experience can lead to a better future
instead
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 of wasting time on an educational degree,
while
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 others believe that earning a degree has a far more important influence on life than what is expected. From my viewpoint, I have a balanced opinion and it will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, the majority of successful figures didn't continue their studies and they managed to succeed in different fields. The practical experience would enable anyone to master several fields if they have the passion and the desire to learn.
In addition
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, the educational content
that is
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 easily found online provides the basics of every major.
For instance
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, data science IBM free courses are available
in
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on
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 the internet, which may aid in developing data analysis skills for people who are interested in becoming analysts.
On the other hand
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, several specialities require in-depth knowledge and expert direct instruction
such
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 as engineering and medicine in which it is challenging to develop the skills that are necessary to practice those majors.
Furthermore
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, a balanced hybrid approach between working part-time and pursuing university studies would be the optimal option. I personally believe managing both would result in gaining the essentials in the two approaches.
To conclude
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,
although
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 working directly after finishing school has vital benefits, I think managing both university and work is the best way to build a successful future.

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task achievement
Ensure each main point is thoroughly expanded with clear reasoning and examples. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve transitions between your ideas for a smoother flow. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
content
Good job presenting a balanced viewpoint on the topic, which reflects critical thinking.
content
The use of practical examples, such as IBM courses, demonstrates relevant understanding and supports your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Workforce
  • On-the-job training
  • Student debt
  • Career ladder
  • Academic knowledge
  • Vocational training
  • Critical thinking
  • Networking
  • Hybrid approaches
  • Long-term advantages
  • Financial situations
  • Personal goals
  • Industry demands
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