IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that as long as professional sportsmen and sportswomen are good players, their behavior on and off the paying fields is not important. Do you agree or disagree?

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Professional
athletes
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 serve as role models for millions of fans worldwide.
While
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 some argue that their
behaviour
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 outside of
sports
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 is irrelevant as long as they perform well, I strongly disagree.
Athletes
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 hold significant influence over society, and their actions, both on and off the field, shape public perceptions and values.
Firstly
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,
sports
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 figures are not just competitors; they are public figures who inspire young people. Their
behaviour
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 extends beyond the game and affects how fans, particularly children, perceive sportsmanship, discipline, and respect. If professional
athletes
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 engage in unethical or irresponsible
behaviour
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, it sets a poor example for their followers.
For instance
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, incidents involving violence, substance abuse, or unsportsmanlike conduct can send the wrong message that success outweighs moral responsibility.
Moreover
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, an athlete's conduct directly impacts their reputation and the image of the sport itself. Many professional teams and organizations rely on sponsorships, and a player's misconduct can lead to financial losses. Major brands prefer endorsing
athletes
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 with strong moral character, as their image influences consumer perception.
Therefore
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, professional
sports
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 are not just about skill; they are
also
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 about integrity, discipline, and responsibility.
However
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, some may argue that personal lives should remain separate from professional performance.
While
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this
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 is valid to some extent, the reality is that
sports
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 figures live in the public eye, and their actions can have widespread consequences. Accepting bad
behaviour
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 simply because of talent sets a dangerous precedent. In conclusion, professional
athletes
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 should be held accountable for their conduct both on and off the field. Their influence extends beyond their sporting achievements, and they have a duty to set a positive example for society. Excellence in
sports
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 should be complemented by strong moral values.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position with well-structured arguments. Make sure to elaborate a bit more on your main ideas to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is strong. Consider using more varied linking words to enhance the connections between ideas.
task achievement
Including more specific and compelling examples or anecdotes can strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable to the reader.
positive
You have a clear and compelling introduction that outlines your position effectively.
positive
Your arguments are well-developed and relevant to the topic, showing a strong understanding of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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