IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In many countries,
people
Use synonyms
 living in outskirt
areas
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 are migrating to urban
areas
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, decreasing the rural population.
This
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 is considered a negative development because it increases inequality and
also
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 the cost of living in the
cities
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.
Firstly
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, an increase in the number of individuals moving to
cities
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 results in lower investment in rural
areas
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, leading to higher inequality. Governments tend to allocate budgets to the
areas
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 developed for most of their citizens;
therefore
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, there will be less money spent on the
areas
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 outside. Regarding a lack of focus from governments, rural
areas
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 can be underdeveloped.
This
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 can
finally
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 lower
people
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's quality of life.
For example
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, a school located far from
cities
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 cannot be fully developed or even access standard curricula because of its poor finances. The children learning at that school will be definitely behind other students in
cities
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.
Secondly
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, there will be population congestion, leading to high consumption rates and increasing the cost of living. When the demand for resources grows, a shortage of supply will probably occur.
This
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 influences
people
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 to pay more in order to get what they really need.
For instance
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, the prices of accommodations in urban
areas
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 are much higher than those in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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.
Similarly
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, the average monthly expenditures required to survive in urban
areas
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 are too high. In conclusion, there are negative impacts caused by the migration of
people
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 from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 to urban
areas
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. The quality of citizens'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 living outside
cities
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 differs from that in rural
areas
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due to
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 a lack of
governments
Change the noun form
government
show examples
 funds.
Furthermore
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, the cost of living in
cities
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 is significantly more than those in rural
areas
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.

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task achievement
While you addressed the task and provided arguments for your viewpoint, consider expanding on each point with more detailed explanations or examples.
coherence and cohesion
There are minor instances of awkward phrasing; refining your sentence structure can improve clarity and flow.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
You effectively identified key issues related to rural-to-urban migration such as inequality and cost of living, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument's progression.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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