Too much emphasis is given for education of the young children. Moregovernment money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days some individuals believe that
education
tends to be mentioned at a high frequency for youngsters
. However
, others consider that the state budget should be spent on entertainment activities for youngsters
. In my point of view, I believe that money
should be invested in education
for youngsters
to have a good educational background and platform rather than leisure activity due to
it can keep them from studying.
The government
should utilize money
more on education
because education
is the key to the development of specific countries. The more money
the government
invests, the more effectively the young learn and study through state-of-the-art methods; the young may become the leader of the future of the nation so it is necessary for them to have a good educational background and a wide range of practical knowledge which can help them to operate and outperform in their social functions to thrive their nation in the right way. With globalization,youngsters
also
need to communicate and keep in touch with foreign countries, so that education
can be a crucial development to invest money
in more modern approaches which are relevant to study to keep up with the growth of foreign education
.
The government
should spend money
on free time activities for youngsters
. Nowadays, literacy is becoming common. parents tend to force their children to achieve higher scores and performance in education
, especially in school. It leads to peer pressure and can have a detrimental effect on the mental health of youngsters
such
as depression, being hyper-stressed is unavoidable, so they may need to entertain themselves with free time activity. However
, if the government
focus on entertaining and neglects educational problems, it can lead to the deterioration of the development of the nation.
To recapitulate, it is useful to utilize the state budget on education
rather than entertaining activity because of the benefits that education
brings to the country. However
, many parents should not expect their children too much to mitigate depression.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear position on the topic and you have addressed both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced response. However, try to integrate more specific examples to illustrate your points and give them more solid foundation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of education to the need for entertainment activities could have a more seamless transition that logically connects the two ideas.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are clear, the support for these points could be more robust. Try to provide more detailed reasoning and evidence for why you believe education is more beneficial than entertainment activities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids readability and comprehension.
task achievement
You have successfully covered both sides of the argument, which demonstrates your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas in your essay are coherent and logically developed, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.