IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should allocate for funding to teaching sciences rather than subjects in order for a country to develop and progress? To what extent do you agree?

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In today's
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
world
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, there is a growing argument that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should allocate money to teach sciences
instead
Linking Words
 of other traditional
subjects
Use synonyms
.Some people believe
science
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 and technology
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a crucial role
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
evolvement
Correct article usage
the evolvement
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 and progress of a country.
However
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 , I personally contend that, no doubt the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
science
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education
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 is increasing, but other core
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are
also
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 equally important for a civic society. Without a doubt, with the development of
science
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology drives
economy
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the economy
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, new innovations and solutions to problems
such
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 as climate challenges and healthcare .
For instance
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, countries like Japan and Canada which heavily invest in
science
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 and technology , have witnessed rapid growth in
industralization
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industrialization
industrialisation
 and improved living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Moreover
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,scientific knowledge equips individuals with cognitive skills like critical thinking and
problem -solving
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problem-solving
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,
foostering
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fostering
 advancements that propel a nation forward.
Thus
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 , prioritizing
science
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education
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 is not only necessary but
also
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 a key to
dominate
Change the verb form
dominating
show examples
 today's competitive
world
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. On the other side,
although
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Add an article
the
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requirement of
science
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education
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 has increased
due to
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 the modern
world
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, it should not come at the expense of other traditional
subjects
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such
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 as humanities and arts. Qualities
such
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 as
cultivate
Wrong verb form
cultivating
show examples
emphaty
Correct your spelling
empathy
, ethical reasoning and civic awareness
Add a missing verb
are
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needed to build a cohesive society , the viable way to
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
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 or
intoducing
Correct your spelling
introducing
these
qualties
Correct your spelling
qualities
 is by funding other
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as literature, philosophy and history.
In addition
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, creative industries , rooted in arts
education
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, contribute significantly to economies, as seen in the global influence of Hollywood. In conclusion,
while
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science
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 literacy is
Add an article
an
show examples
indispensable part of today's
world
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 , other core
subjects
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Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 needed as
same
Correct word choice
such
show examples
 as
science
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 for a better society.In my opinion , a balanced approach, where
governemnts
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should equally allocate a substantial amount of money for all
subjects
Use synonyms
 is a prudent way to resolve
this
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 problem.

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Language
Ensure proper spelling and grammar to enhance clarity. For example, correct 'competetive' to 'competitive' and 'intoducing' to 'introducing.'
Content
Work on developing your ideas in more depth; for instance, expand on how traditional subjects contribute to a skilled workforce.
Cohesion
Use transitional phrases to link ideas more fluidly and strengthen cohesion between paragraphs.
Content
Your essay presents a balanced view on the importance of both science and traditional subjects, showcasing a well-rounded perspective.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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