Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, the modern generation has been using their gadgets for excessively long periods, which can lead to various

problems

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. In

this

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essay, I will discuss the reasons for

this

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behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, including sources of entertainment, and easy access to happiness hormones like dopamine, and share my own opinion. One of the primary causes of

this

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issue is social media platforms

such

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as TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram. Research from an international university in Australia shows that many social media tools employ sophisticated algorithms designed to capture users' attention and stimulate the release of dopamine, a happiness hormone, in the brain for a short duration. The study found that

this

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approach is most effective among the age group of 3 to 15 years.

As a result

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, teenagers often spend many hours on screens, and scientists have rated

this

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type of addiction as comparable to nicotine dependency. I believe that addiction to mobile screens represents a negative trend in society.

This

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issue is not limited to just a fraction of

children

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; it is a global concern. The addiction to smartphones can lead to significant physical and mental health

problems

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for young people.

For instance

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, the UK government published statistics regarding the average miles walked per year by each age category. The results were quite shocking, with teenagers ranking second after adults aged 60 and older.

Consequently

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, the lack of physical activity may lead to serious health issues

such

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as obesity and heart disease. In conclusion, the increasing number of hours

children

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spend on mobile phones can result in numerous health

problems

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in the future. The primary reasons for

this

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concerning trend are social media platforms. I believe that if

children

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are not monitored and do not reduce their screen time, we may face

problems

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that could impact entire nations.Some

children

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spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is

this

Linking Words

the case? Do you think

this

Linking Words

is a positive or a negative development?

esenbekabylajhanTue Mar 25 2025

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument and explores the topic well. However, consider providing even more specific examples to strengthen your points and improve the support for your main ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

While your essay is generally coherent, try to use more linking words and phrases to help the flow of your ideas. This will enhance the connection between your points and improve overall readability.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Task Achievement

Your arguments address both the reasons for smartphone use and the consequences effectively, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that successful sports teams are always those with the strongest or fittest players. Others think that success depends more on the team’s mental strength. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?