In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.

There is a common belief among
young
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the young
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generation that they can achieve
any
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apply
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success if they try with strong discipline.
This
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view may bring both positive and negative aspects with itself. The advantageous side of
this
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opinion is that it helps them to become more confident and motivates them to give their best.
However
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, their mental health can be affected negatively by high
level
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levels
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of stress which comes with heavy tasks that they take on. On the one hand, believing in
hard-work
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hard work
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in order to achieve
the
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apply
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goals is
highly
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a highly
the highly
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beneficial mindset.
This
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is because consistent effort and learning from mistakes are often the only ways to make real progress and get closer to success.
For example
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, many successful businessmen,
such
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as Elon Musk, have emphasized how their achievements are largely the result of long hours of work, constant learning and
to continue
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continuing
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despite repeated failures.
On the other hand
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, the pressure to constantly work hard and succeed can have negative effects, especially on young people's mental well-being. When individuals tie their self-worth to productivity and goal achievement, they may experience anxiety, burnout, or feelings of failure if they do not meet their expectations.
For instance
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, many university students who push themselves to the limit in order to achieve high grades often struggle with health issues,
such
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as insomnia or depression, which greatly affect their academic performance and personal life. In conclusion,
while
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the belief in hard work and discipline can motivate individuals to try for success, it is equally important to maintain a healthy balance and know personal limits. Encouraging a growth mindset without excessive pressure may lead to both achievement and emotional well-being.

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task achievement
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, but your thesis could be more specific to guide the reader on the main points you will discuss. Additionally, ensure that every paragraph directly relates back to the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, and your ideas flow reasonably well, but consider using more cohesive devices (like linking words and phrases) to enhance the connections between your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, provide more specific evidence or details in relation to your points. This would strengthen your argument and make your claims more convincing.
content
Your arguments about the benefits and drawbacks of a strong work ethic are well-articulated and provide a balanced viewpoint, which is commendable.
content
You effectively use examples from real life, like mentioning Elon Musk, which adds credibility to your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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