IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.

People say that if
children
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 receive advice about achieving
success
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 through hard
work
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, they can accomplish anything, provided they push themselves excessively.
While
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 the downsides of
this
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 advice—
such
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 as creating excitement and adding extra pressure on
children
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—are notable, these drawbacks are outweighed by the numerous benefits,
such
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 as gaining confidence, discipline, and motivation. One of the primary disadvantages of telling
children
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 that hard
work
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 guarantees
success
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 is the potential for creating excitement and adding excessive pressure. Repeating
such
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 advice may negatively affect young people, leading them to overthink and feel that they must constantly
work
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 hard to overcome difficult problems.
This
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 could cause anxiety about their academic future and distract them from fully engaging in their current studies, potentially hindering their development.
However
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, the advantages of consistently encouraging
children
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 to
work
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 diligently in order to achieve
success
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 far outweigh these drawbacks. One of the key benefits is the creation of motivation.
Children
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 will believe that all they need to do is dedicate more time to their studies than usual in order to get everything they desire.
This
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 belief increases their enthusiasm and commitment, as they understand that sustained effort will lead to eventual
success
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. Another benefit of encouraging hard
work
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 in
children
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 is the development of confidence, which can result in the establishment of a disciplined routine.
Children
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 may come to understand that as long as they study hard, they will achieve their desired outcomes.
This
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 sense of assurance can help them succeed not only in academics but
also
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 in their personal lives. Over time,
this
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 repeated process helps them build discipline in their daily lives, which is essential for their future careers and education. In conclusion, advising
children
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 that hard
work
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 will lead to the achievement of their goals comes with challenges,
such
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 as creating undue excitement and excessive pressure.
However
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, the benefits—confidence, motivation, and discipline—are far more significant, and they provide young people with the tools they need to succeed in life.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing specific examples or anecdotes to strengthen your points on motivation and confidence. This will help illustrate your arguments more vividly and engage the reader further.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, a slightly clearer connection between your disadvantages and advantages would enhance the overall flow. Use transition phrases to link these sections more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a balanced view, which sets a strong foundation for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The arguments presented for the advantages of hard work are well-developed and resonate with the reader, demonstrating effective reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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