In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.

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Hard-working
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Hard work
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is one of the best types of personality, and it allows to students achieve successfully most
thinks
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things
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.
Moreover
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, it can be
reason
Correct article usage
a reason
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how
Correct word choice
why
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most humans are prominent like Nikola Tesla. That’s why it has more advantages than disadvantages. In
this
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essay, it will be discussed why in many cultures, communities think that
diligent
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diligence
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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teenagers to reach
high
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a high
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level of knowledge,
then
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add how it makes most traditions and countries
are
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apply
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more popular,
finally
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everyone must be diligent even without being in culture.
To begin
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with, children, who like studying and
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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on it
, are
Verb problem
apply
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get a lot of achievements. Only hard-working students have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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to study in excellent universities, it will make them successful.
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Due to having
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Having
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aim
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an aim
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and doing everything to reach it makes communities better.
For example
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, Nikola Tesla, who understood how to control electricity, was famous because of
hard-work
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hard work
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and
stubborn
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stubbornness
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.
Along with
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that, now, he is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
prominent figure
over
Rephrase
all over
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the world. Prosperous human makes his/her traditions and
counties
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countries
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better
,
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apply
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because many communities start learning about
his
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their
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biography
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biographies
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. When countries get prominent, they begin to get tourists which may increase the economy and other stats. As an alternative, traditions can get
society
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a society
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that
have
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has
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interest
on
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in
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it.
For instance
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, in 1999, Russia
gets
Wrong verb form
got
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more tourists
as a result
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of Fyodors’ Dostoevsky writings.
In addition
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, now, it plays the dominant role
nearby
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near
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the books. In conclusion, not only being industrious is up to the culture, but
also
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it is part of our personalities. It plays
significant
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a significant
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role in our life and it has some benefits.

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Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly in each paragraph. Try to explain the advantages and disadvantages further with more examples or details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'However', or 'For example'. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
General
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammar and vocabulary issues. There are several inaccuracies that could be corrected, for example: 'most thinks' should be 'most things', and 'counties' should be 'countries'.
Positive
You have introduced an interesting topic and provided a personal viewpoint right from the beginning.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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