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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you thing this is a positive or negative development?

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With the development of technology, some youngsters are obsessed with using their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 on a daily basis for hours. Entertaining features primarily can be the core reason, and
this
Linking Words
 trend
overall
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 leads to a negative development as it threatens their well-being. The use of
phones
Use synonyms
 by
children
Use synonyms
 is gaining popularity across the world
due to
Linking Words
 the entertainment facilities it offers with an endless supply.
Children
Use synonyms
 have a tendency to utilize different features of
such
Linking Words
 digital tools, from gaming to watching videos and interacting with near ones.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 interactions created a comfort zone and made the most preferable choice over other alternatives, leading to boosting their mood. The aforementioned features,
such
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 as gaming, connecting with others, and trendy videos on social platforms, could meet their expectations, thereby encouraging them to engage in them frequently. If new elements go on to be facilitated, the usage of
phones
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 among
children
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 will rise even
further
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.
Smartphones
Use synonyms
 may be a good way to uplift
children
Use synonyms
's moods, but they are not without their drawbacks. Overtime usage of
phones
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 has severe consequences for their
overall
Linking Words
 health, eye concerns, and sedentary lifestyle
in particular
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. Young people are prone to damaging parts of their bodies more easily as opposed to mature adults as long as they are focused on something too long.
For example
Linking Words
,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 spread electronic waves, which are harmful to mental ability, and long screen time
also
Linking Words
 causes eye issues. Another drawback is the sedentary lifestyle that
phones
Use synonyms
 usually give rise to. Spending hours on
phones
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 can ultimately form that lifestyle, leading to limiting the cycle of blood and encouraging obesity. As long as dedicating too much time to screen is certainly a negative trend and may create an unwanted situation in the long term. In conclusion,
while
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 attractive aspects of
smartphones
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 serve as a means of happiness to young
children
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, I believe that
this
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 is a completely negative development as far as
overall
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 well-being is concerned.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas in each paragraph to provide more depth. For instance, you could elaborate on the specific negative impacts of a sedentary lifestyle beyond obesity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Perhaps use more linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument, which would enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
You clearly identify the reasons for children's smartphone use and discuss the negative consequences effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and organization, making it easy to follow the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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