IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

One of the major problems that today’s government faces is creating enough satisfactory housing for their increasing populations whilst still trying to protect the environment. How can this be achieved? Discuss and give your opinion.

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In contemporary society, it is difficult to implement or tackle the community's problems. In some countries, governments have difficulties dealing with sufficient accommodations and protecting the ecosystem from the harmless.
Whereas
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, the governments should have published some policies to mitigate the rich by buying multiple houses and giving the poor the right to own a safe house. In my opinion, the authorities can invent sustainable materials, construct higher
buildings
Use synonyms
, and raise the community's educational knowledge and public awareness. First and foremost, having discussions about sustainable materials and introducing more equipment for environmental preservation is vitally important for a nation.
For example
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, the federal of a territory should invest more funds for creating the eco alternative friendly materials,
such
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 as renewable wood, fibre, and steel.
Apart from
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this
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, the residents should install machines or develop technology to save energy and pollution,
as well as
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 things like solar panels, solar energy heaters or turbines.
Moreover
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, in terms of reducing carbon dioxide emissions, and
also
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 cutting down the electricity used to hamper the environment.
Secondly
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, it encourages to construction of more high
buildings
Use synonyms
 and skyscrapers to decrease commuting time and provide numerous spaces for residents to live in.
For instance
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,
according to
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 some journalists, China has the most complicated
buildings
Use synonyms
 and designs in housing and apartments that can rescue
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 crowded population by building more skyscrapers.
In addition
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, it would be a smart way to reduce air pollution and traffic congestion from commuting at a distance.
Lastly
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, each individual should be educated about the importance of public awareness.
Furthermore
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, the council should subsidise citizens for inventing green initiatives through some environmental of traditional housing courses.
To conclude
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, by introducing information on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and finalizing policies to achieve the purpose of protecting the ecosystem, it is
also
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 better to construct
buildings
Use synonyms
 for society's betterment.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but it could be clearer if you explicitly stated your opinion in the introduction. Consider revising to make your stance more apparent.
coherence and cohesion
Some of your transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore,' at the beginning of your paragraphs can help guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
task achievement
Develop your points with more depth. For instance, when suggesting the use of sustainable materials, you could provide more specific examples or potential benefits of those materials to enhance your discussion.
task achievement
You have introduced relevant points regarding sustainable materials and high-rise buildings, which are important aspects of the housing and environmental issue.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the situation in China, demonstrates an understanding of the implications of housing policies.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured logically, with clear paragraphs for each main point, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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