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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that the best way to learn a culture is to learn the language of it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people argue that the way to study different
cultures
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 is to learn the language first. I believe that it is one of the better to adapt to
another countries
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another country
other countries
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 by learning the jargon to communicate with the citizens and understand their traditions.
However
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, there are
also
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 other ways to learn
different
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about different
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cultures
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. First of all, there is a connection between conversation and tradition.
For example
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, in some countries which have different groups of society with different values, they
also
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 have various argots.
Secondly
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, the citizens often do not understand international or national language , because they always talk to each other in their own traditional argots.
Thus
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, to talk with their citizens and study their values, other people have to learn their traditional speech first. It helps them to communicate with each other.
In addition
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, improving skills in other speech needs a full of effort. Some people have to take a long course to learn it, and others can learn from the Internet or books by themselves. It needs
a
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apply
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consistency too.
On the other hand
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, learning the language is not the only approach to studying a specific culture. The communities
also
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 can learn through various books translated into other accents.
Moreover
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, there are numerous articles and documentary films on the Internet that can be accessed easily. There are countless sources of information for someone to read and watch. In conclusion, jargon is the most optimal way to understand other
cultures
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due to
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 helping in speaking and adapting to other communities, even learning argots is difficult.
Conversely
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, there are still other ways to study other
cultures
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 even though it is not as effective as studying languages.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. You may want to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, using clear examples can help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your belief regarding the importance of language in learning a culture, which provides a strong start to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The use of transition words like 'first of all' and 'on the other hand' helps in guiding the reader through your points, contributing positively to the coherence of your essay.
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