IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help to prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that technology has become an indispensable part
in
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of
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 modern life, and plenty of benefits have been brought along, including the improvement in security systems
as well as
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 equipment which allowed investigating agencies to solve complex cases.
While
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 many
people
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 persistently cling to the notion that
this
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 can contribute to a decline in
crime
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 rates, I reckon that new sophisticated methods of scamming will appear. On the one hand, there have already been a lot of technologies
such
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 as CCTV cameras which provide clients with a wide range of views, allowing them to protect their property safely and remotely, and still, many new advancements will be made in the future for
people
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's merits.
Additionally
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, those cameras can be equipped on the streets for the police to keep track
on
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of
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 the criminals who commit a
crime
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 and eventually become strong evidence to prosecute them or those who have just been released from jail. What is more, devices, namely fingerprint scanners, are commendably helpful for police to investigate the place of
crime
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 to identify the criminals using the characteristic fingerprints that are left on the scene,
therefore
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 shortening the investigation.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 there have been new real-life tools for
crime
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 prevention and case-solving, virtually novel scamming tricks will be exploited by scammers to deceive the uninformed community in cyberspace. With the advancement in technology, many online transaction platforms have been created for the convenience of
people
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,
however
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,
along with
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 that, there are several vulnerabilities in secure systems. Criminals will bypass the system and take advantage of
this
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 to scam
people
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 who lack knowledge of
this
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 medium. In brief,
although
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 a dramatic availability of secure benefits is brought thanks to the advancement in technology, there are still countless problems caused by shortcomings in online trading that need to be addressed to prevent and eliminate cybercrime, which, if not handled in time, will be difficult to overcome in society.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic well but could more clearly state your position (agree or disagree) to enhance task response.
coherence
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to improve clarity and guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You've provided a good range of examples to illustrate how technology has both aided crime prevention and introduced new forms of crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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